Sunday, May 4, 2014
Finding Joy: What does it take?
Finding Joy: What does it take?: I've been thinking a lot about relationships lately. Especially the ultimate relationship- marriage. Love, marriage, and commitment a...
What does it take?
I've been thinking a lot about relationships lately. Especially the ultimate relationship- marriage.
Love, marriage, and commitment are concepts that scare, confuse, excite and motivate people. Time after time I see so many people struggle with marriage. As newlyweds you jump in, head first in the glory of one another, but after a time the newness wears off and you start to get real.
Many people are in love with the idea of being in love and the fantasy of love that is portrayed in our media and society, but when you really get to the heart of it, you realize that maybe it takes something more that a dozen roses to make a relationship last.
In my ten short years of marriage, many people have wagered that perhaps my husband and I wouldn't "make it." There are days when I might consider weighing in on that bet. However, in this short time I have learned a couple key things about what it takes to be in a relationship with someone for an extended period of time.
The first thing I have learned is the importance of Honesty. Often times, brutal honesty is necessary to get closer together. Through compromise and refining, each person has to be honest and accept honesty in order to better themselves and grow. My husband an I live very honestly with one another. When he compliments me I know it isn't just fluff and when he criticizes me, I know he is trying to help me improve. If we didn't accept each other's honesty our relationship would fall apart. People on the outside remark that we are too honest with each other or that we are not being kind, but what they don't understand is that what we want more than anything is to give ourselves completely to one another through that honesty. This means we don't hide things or keep things from each other, no matter how small it seems.
The second thing I've learned is that love, and specifically marriage, has to be a Choice every day. In order to work through the good and bad you have to choose each other every day. That means you choose to be there, you choose to put forth effort and you choose to be with them even if they are having a hard time. When one person stops choosing to be there, then that is when things go awry.
Relationships are complex and they take two people in order to make them work. These may seem like simple truths, and in many ways they are, but they become much more once you internalize them. Through honesty you can eliminate jealousy. Through choosing your partner each day you can work through any bumps. Trust and honesty can also lead to excellent communication, which is an integral part to an effective relationship. Through honesty and choice you can eliminate gender stereotypes and instead of wanting chivalry you can simply have humanism.
People often give my husband a hard time for not opening the door for me or for joking around and giving me a bad time, but when I do the same to him, no one bats an eye. Hence the double standard. He often comment "When she is willing to admit she is lesser than me, then I will start opening the door for her."
This is generally followed by gasps of horror and then a laugh from the two of us.
He knows that I am strong and would never admit to such a thing because it isn't true.
We do not have double standards in our marriage. I am a strong woman who doesn't need someone to open the door. So instead we act out of mutual respect. If I get to a door first, I open it. If he gets their first, he opens it. He puts the toilet seat up when he needs it and I put it down. We work together not against one another.
Our love is deep and real. We recognize that life is hard and that there may come a time when we just don't work well together. If that time comes, then we love each other enough to want the utmost happiness for the other. But for now our love continues. Don't get me wrong, we still irritate each other and get on one another's nerves from time to time. We both have strong stubborn personalities. We also make mistakes and have to apologize. We have slightly different ideas on how to discipline our daughter or complete a give task. But none of these things undermines the importance of honesty and choice in our relationship.
Marriage and love is not a 'bowl of cupcakes and butterflies' as many people think. It takes work. It is beautiful and complex and confusing at times; more like a Jackson Pollock painting. Some people get it and others don't. Some people think its easy to just splatter paint on a canvas while others know there is something deeper, something emotional about it. It's messy.
So the next time you are wondering 'what does it take?" My answer is... you. It takes you putting forth effort, you being honest with yourself and your partner, and you choosing your significant other every day. I don't pretend to be the love expert or guarantee that all relationships will 'work out' due to these things. But I can say one thing, I am very blessed to have the kind of marriage I have and I wouldn't want it any other way.
Love, marriage, and commitment are concepts that scare, confuse, excite and motivate people. Time after time I see so many people struggle with marriage. As newlyweds you jump in, head first in the glory of one another, but after a time the newness wears off and you start to get real.
Many people are in love with the idea of being in love and the fantasy of love that is portrayed in our media and society, but when you really get to the heart of it, you realize that maybe it takes something more that a dozen roses to make a relationship last.
In my ten short years of marriage, many people have wagered that perhaps my husband and I wouldn't "make it." There are days when I might consider weighing in on that bet. However, in this short time I have learned a couple key things about what it takes to be in a relationship with someone for an extended period of time.
The first thing I have learned is the importance of Honesty. Often times, brutal honesty is necessary to get closer together. Through compromise and refining, each person has to be honest and accept honesty in order to better themselves and grow. My husband an I live very honestly with one another. When he compliments me I know it isn't just fluff and when he criticizes me, I know he is trying to help me improve. If we didn't accept each other's honesty our relationship would fall apart. People on the outside remark that we are too honest with each other or that we are not being kind, but what they don't understand is that what we want more than anything is to give ourselves completely to one another through that honesty. This means we don't hide things or keep things from each other, no matter how small it seems.
The second thing I've learned is that love, and specifically marriage, has to be a Choice every day. In order to work through the good and bad you have to choose each other every day. That means you choose to be there, you choose to put forth effort and you choose to be with them even if they are having a hard time. When one person stops choosing to be there, then that is when things go awry.
Relationships are complex and they take two people in order to make them work. These may seem like simple truths, and in many ways they are, but they become much more once you internalize them. Through honesty you can eliminate jealousy. Through choosing your partner each day you can work through any bumps. Trust and honesty can also lead to excellent communication, which is an integral part to an effective relationship. Through honesty and choice you can eliminate gender stereotypes and instead of wanting chivalry you can simply have humanism.
People often give my husband a hard time for not opening the door for me or for joking around and giving me a bad time, but when I do the same to him, no one bats an eye. Hence the double standard. He often comment "When she is willing to admit she is lesser than me, then I will start opening the door for her."
This is generally followed by gasps of horror and then a laugh from the two of us.
He knows that I am strong and would never admit to such a thing because it isn't true.
We do not have double standards in our marriage. I am a strong woman who doesn't need someone to open the door. So instead we act out of mutual respect. If I get to a door first, I open it. If he gets their first, he opens it. He puts the toilet seat up when he needs it and I put it down. We work together not against one another.
Our love is deep and real. We recognize that life is hard and that there may come a time when we just don't work well together. If that time comes, then we love each other enough to want the utmost happiness for the other. But for now our love continues. Don't get me wrong, we still irritate each other and get on one another's nerves from time to time. We both have strong stubborn personalities. We also make mistakes and have to apologize. We have slightly different ideas on how to discipline our daughter or complete a give task. But none of these things undermines the importance of honesty and choice in our relationship.
Marriage and love is not a 'bowl of cupcakes and butterflies' as many people think. It takes work. It is beautiful and complex and confusing at times; more like a Jackson Pollock painting. Some people get it and others don't. Some people think its easy to just splatter paint on a canvas while others know there is something deeper, something emotional about it. It's messy.
So the next time you are wondering 'what does it take?" My answer is... you. It takes you putting forth effort, you being honest with yourself and your partner, and you choosing your significant other every day. I don't pretend to be the love expert or guarantee that all relationships will 'work out' due to these things. But I can say one thing, I am very blessed to have the kind of marriage I have and I wouldn't want it any other way.
Thursday, May 1, 2014
New and improved
As you know, it has been a while since I last blogged. So much has happened in the past year but I was feeling like perhaps my blog had become stale and unnecessary. Or that perhaps I needed to add a bit more humor. Whatever the reason I feel like I've been missing my blog. So I thought I'd take a moment and discuss my recent achievement.
In order to do it justice I have to give you some background. Last year I had gotten to the point where I wasn't happy with my physical health and appearance. After the birth of my sweet daughter in 2008, it was very difficult to get back into my previous shape. Those who tout that "this fad" or "that method" will help you lose your baby weight simply were wrong in my case. I tried all the typical things, nursing, working out; as well as extreme diets such as Isagenix (which is really just code for starve yourself) Hey but I lost 12 pounds in a week Hooray! and then gained it back quickly...
Sadly none of those things stuck and I became discouraged and had decided to just "settle". Yet, I am not the type to just settle. As the summer loomed ahead and I was preparing to start the new school year, one shopping experience kicked me into gear. I had gone to the mall for new business attire and, as most of my shopping experiences went, this one went badly. Nothing fit right and I resorted to trying on some plus sized attire and one such skirt fit! I was shocked. Now there is nothing wrong with plus size, but all my life I perceived myself to be a medium sized person. I couldn't bring myself to purchase the larger size and I finally felt defeated. I knew I had to take drastic measures in order to return to my ideal health.
I was experiencing all those things you hear about when people discuss unhealthy lifestyles. Playing with Rachel had become more difficult and I would be winded after only a short time. Eating certain foods often made me feel overstuffed or in other words, just plain yucky. I had no energy and constantly felt "weighed" down. I knew that my nutritional choices were the biggest factor, but I didn't know what to do about it.
I resolved to find a way. I started with the book "Fast Metabolism Diet" by Hailey Pomroy. It was a challenge at first but then some weight started coming off. once I finished I gained a few pounds back and that was a bit discouraging but I was happy that I had made a bit of progress. Then I found Medifast. Two of my friends had lost close to 50 pounds each and I wanted to know how they did it. They both directed me toward this program. I was skeptical at first, thinking it wouldn't work for me. But after some research and planning I decided to give it a try.
Medifast literally changed my life! If you have ever lost a significant amount of weight you understand how truly life changing it can be. Not only did I lose weight but I also re-learned how to eat. I learned portion control and how to make healthy choices without breaking the bank. I learned how to have a healthy relationship with food. Medifast was easy, convenient, and I never felt like I was starving and did I mention easy!
Once I met my goal I then decided on how I wanted to maintain. After enjoying a lovely slice of cheesecake I considered my options. Yes I got to eat some cheesecake, and lots of other things when I finished my diet. I just ate them a bit differently. Like instead of downing the entire bag of Doritos I would eat only a small bowl of Doritos.
So my options included joining a gym, doing nothing, or finding another suitable exercise. I didn't really have the money or time to go to the gym and didn't want to just do nothing, so i started looking at other exercise options. I started with daily crunches and sit ups but that didn't seem to do it for me. After a while one of the track coaches suggested I start doing couch to 5K.
Running?!?! I said. Are you kidding me? I am not, nor have I ever been a fan of running. Running is the devil and hat's just not really my thing. But after some stewing time I decided to give it a try. I thought "Hey, I can run for 1 minute."
My first 'run' was actually quite pleasant and gave me the motivation to try it a second time and a third time. At the end of that week however, my body was very sore. I wondered, if this was going to be the case during the whole process because if so, I needed out now!
After some reassurance I could tell that my body was becoming used to this foreign activity and I pressed on. Each week I was surprised at how far I was able to go. Finally the day came when I had to run 30 minutes with no break. This was daunting. I gave it my all and when I hit the 30 minute mark I almost cried tears of joy. I had done it! I had become a 'runner'. You know one of those crazy people who feels bad if they don't get their run in. Or one who enjoys running when its only 20 degrees outside.
Running three times a week has become a norm for me and yes I feel like something is out of whack if I miss one of my runs. This past Saturday I ran in the community mile at the Tiger-Grizz track meet. Through the rain I ran my heart out and beat my time! It was exhilarating. I am looking forward to the 2014 Color run 5K the end of May.
With this as well as many other wonderful changes, life has been good, full of joy so to speak and I am looking forward to all that this year hold.
In order to do it justice I have to give you some background. Last year I had gotten to the point where I wasn't happy with my physical health and appearance. After the birth of my sweet daughter in 2008, it was very difficult to get back into my previous shape. Those who tout that "this fad" or "that method" will help you lose your baby weight simply were wrong in my case. I tried all the typical things, nursing, working out; as well as extreme diets such as Isagenix (which is really just code for starve yourself) Hey but I lost 12 pounds in a week Hooray! and then gained it back quickly...
Sadly none of those things stuck and I became discouraged and had decided to just "settle". Yet, I am not the type to just settle. As the summer loomed ahead and I was preparing to start the new school year, one shopping experience kicked me into gear. I had gone to the mall for new business attire and, as most of my shopping experiences went, this one went badly. Nothing fit right and I resorted to trying on some plus sized attire and one such skirt fit! I was shocked. Now there is nothing wrong with plus size, but all my life I perceived myself to be a medium sized person. I couldn't bring myself to purchase the larger size and I finally felt defeated. I knew I had to take drastic measures in order to return to my ideal health.
I was experiencing all those things you hear about when people discuss unhealthy lifestyles. Playing with Rachel had become more difficult and I would be winded after only a short time. Eating certain foods often made me feel overstuffed or in other words, just plain yucky. I had no energy and constantly felt "weighed" down. I knew that my nutritional choices were the biggest factor, but I didn't know what to do about it.
I resolved to find a way. I started with the book "Fast Metabolism Diet" by Hailey Pomroy. It was a challenge at first but then some weight started coming off. once I finished I gained a few pounds back and that was a bit discouraging but I was happy that I had made a bit of progress. Then I found Medifast. Two of my friends had lost close to 50 pounds each and I wanted to know how they did it. They both directed me toward this program. I was skeptical at first, thinking it wouldn't work for me. But after some research and planning I decided to give it a try.
Medifast literally changed my life! If you have ever lost a significant amount of weight you understand how truly life changing it can be. Not only did I lose weight but I also re-learned how to eat. I learned portion control and how to make healthy choices without breaking the bank. I learned how to have a healthy relationship with food. Medifast was easy, convenient, and I never felt like I was starving and did I mention easy!
Once I met my goal I then decided on how I wanted to maintain. After enjoying a lovely slice of cheesecake I considered my options. Yes I got to eat some cheesecake, and lots of other things when I finished my diet. I just ate them a bit differently. Like instead of downing the entire bag of Doritos I would eat only a small bowl of Doritos.
So my options included joining a gym, doing nothing, or finding another suitable exercise. I didn't really have the money or time to go to the gym and didn't want to just do nothing, so i started looking at other exercise options. I started with daily crunches and sit ups but that didn't seem to do it for me. After a while one of the track coaches suggested I start doing couch to 5K.
Running?!?! I said. Are you kidding me? I am not, nor have I ever been a fan of running. Running is the devil and hat's just not really my thing. But after some stewing time I decided to give it a try. I thought "Hey, I can run for 1 minute."
My first 'run' was actually quite pleasant and gave me the motivation to try it a second time and a third time. At the end of that week however, my body was very sore. I wondered, if this was going to be the case during the whole process because if so, I needed out now!
After some reassurance I could tell that my body was becoming used to this foreign activity and I pressed on. Each week I was surprised at how far I was able to go. Finally the day came when I had to run 30 minutes with no break. This was daunting. I gave it my all and when I hit the 30 minute mark I almost cried tears of joy. I had done it! I had become a 'runner'. You know one of those crazy people who feels bad if they don't get their run in. Or one who enjoys running when its only 20 degrees outside.
Running three times a week has become a norm for me and yes I feel like something is out of whack if I miss one of my runs. This past Saturday I ran in the community mile at the Tiger-Grizz track meet. Through the rain I ran my heart out and beat my time! It was exhilarating. I am looking forward to the 2014 Color run 5K the end of May.
With this as well as many other wonderful changes, life has been good, full of joy so to speak and I am looking forward to all that this year hold.
Monday, April 1, 2013
Getting out of the gutter
It really sucks to be stuck in a rut. Whether emotional, financial or otherwise, there are very few things worse than feeling like you aren't going anywhere. We wallow in self pity and wonder how we are ever going to get out of our pit of despair. Maybe someone comes along and pulls you out, or perhaps you get up the strength to claw your way out. No matter how you do it, you feel rather accomplished when it's all said and done. But what got us there in the first place? How do we keep from falling in again? What if we get sucked in by someone else!? These are questions that often roll through my head and it got me thinking about my own gutters and ruts.
Once upon a time when I thought I knew everything about the world, I started asking myself these tough questions. I listened to the advise of those older and wiser than I and I set a goal to improve myself. This past year was tough in many ways but when a loved one suffers from depression it can be unlike any other challenge. I started thinking more about how to cope in healthy ways with the stress of life and work and I began learning some important lessons along the way.
We've all been stuck in a rut from time to time and I remember various stages of my life that felt like I was not progressing. Looking back I think that part of the reason I got stuck is because I lost my perspective, lost my drive or motivation, or I allowed negative things to pull me down. Having too much negative energy in your life is extremely destructive and it took me a great deal of time to learn how to eliminate that negativity.
The first thing I had to do was stop taking things so personal. So often we get offended by others around us, but usually there is no good reason to be offended. It's just our excuse to be mad about something. Letting things roll off your back is a tough but important lesson. Try telling yourself that you don't need negativity in your life and try to see the good in those around you. Not everything is a personal attack and when we take offense to something it only hurts us. Of course stand up for yourself if someone is intentionally hurting you, but don't play on their field.
Another important thing I had to do was stop assuming. Often we get upset over things that never even occurred simply because we assume. I had the opportunity to listen to a great speaker earlier this year Marc Elliot, author of "What Makes You Tic?" And he said, "Live and let live" Live your life and let others live theirs, and stop judging yourself based on what you assume others are thinking. Or rather as my husband says, make the best choice you can based on the information you have at the moment. Additionally, don't dwell on the past because we can only affect the present and future. Don't cling to things that bring you down or that don't have any real significance in your life.
There are many reasons we might get in a rut, career, family, friends, finances etc. But they all lead to the core problem stress. Stress is a huge factor in our poor health and all of these things can become major stressors in our lives if we don't find and use healthy coping strategies. I find that so many people I know, don't know what healthy coping strategies are, and for a long time, I didn't either. Some of the best things your can do are sometimes the simplest. Things like eating healthy and getting enough sleep are key to keeping your physical body at its maximum stress fighting potential. Another super important one is learn to say "no". This was also a hard lesson for me to learn but I am so glad I did. You can't do everything. No seriously...I know you are thinking that you HAVE to do everything or it won't get done, but trust me saying no to even just a few things will actually allow you to prioritize and have a better grasp on things so that you can be even more effective.
Other great coping strategies include, yoga, meditation, massage or even just taking a hot bath. Things that relax our physical body will also relax our minds. It's important that you focus on the whole person and not just one part. Surround yourself with people you enjoy and avoid people who make you feel stressed out. De-clutter your home and turn off your TV and electronics when you feel overwhelmed. Express your feelings, either to a trusted friend or confidante or on paper in a journal or blog. Journaling is a fantastic way to track your progress and really get your thoughts out without being interrupted.
Adjusting your perspective and viewing the big picture is a great way to re-frame. Focus on the positive and set realistic goals for yourself. So often people are consumed by perfection. Don't set yourself up for failure by setting unrealistic goals. If you have lofty goals break them down in to smaller more achievable goals so that you can see your progress along the way.
There are so many great ways to unwind and focus but you have to make it a priority. Choose to come out of your rut and choose to improve your well being. Take just 2 minutes each day to de stress. Go for a walk, play with a pet, laugh, listen to some music. These things will make a huge impact on your life if you let them.
What happens when you have tried these things and you still feel like you aren't getting anywhere? Every person is unique and different, with their own problems, so it's important to know your limits. If you feel like you have done all you can then seek out the guidance of others. Doctors, religious leaders and even a caring friend might have some additional insight that could help you work through your problems. It is hard not to be stubborn and continue to believe you can do it all on your own.
When you have expended all your healthy coping strategies, its time to enlist the help of others. About mid summer I started experiencing moderate anxiety. I wasn't sleeping and I would get anxiety attacks at the oddest times. At first I started journaling, then I started going to yoga, but after a while those things no longer worked. I noticed I would get a very short temper with my daughter and I felt like I was yelling at her all the time. I was exhausted and felt very frustrated. So I finally sought out the help of my bishop and doctor. Both gave me great advice and I decided to start taking an anti-anxiety pill. At first I didn't want to because I was worried about the stigma or opinions of others, I was also very hard on myself, thinking that I was weak or broken. But once my stress levels went down and I was finally sleeping again, I realized just how important it was for me to manage my anxiety. After only 6 months I have been able to come off my medication and still feel like myself. I feel stronger than ever and more confident that I can handle things that come my way. I also learned when enough is enough and it's time to get help beyond myself. As stubborn as I am this has always been a challenge, but I now know how important it is to seek out help from others.
Another key thing to learn is that your spiritual health is just as important as your physical health. When you are stuck in a rut, one of the best things you can do for yourself is improve your spiritual health. Finding ways to be inspired and moved on a deep emotional level can allow you to explore your inner thoughts and feelings as well as help you align your priorities. When we start looking beyond our current state and start viewing our potential this gives us hope and motivation for the future. I have spent a great deal of time over the past year and a half improving my spiritual health. Spirituality is entirely personal and is a great way to discover who you are without the influence of others. Try not to get hung up on "everything you are doing wrong" We all make mistakes and every time you choose God, or self improvement then you are achieving your goals in your spiritual life. Our Creator had intention when creating us and it is with that in mind that we must see our value. Each month I have set 1 small goal for myself, kept a journal of it and reflected upon what I learned. Through this journey I have found more happiness, I have improved my interpersonal relationships, I have forgiven more and felt and ease to my burdens. I believe it is this strength that guided me through the summer and allowed me to glean new insight after the fact. make your spiritual health a priority and if you have an open heart you will feel lifted out of the rut.
All this being said, I still have a few ruts from time to time but I feel like I am living my life on a happier sphere. I look out into the world and I see opportunities rather than challenges. I see wonderful people who are just trying to do the best they can like everyone else. I feel like if everyone could just stop for one second and realize that we have no idea what is going on in the lives of those around us, that we could overcome all of our differences. Each person is going through different struggles, and we have no idea if they have just lost a loved one, lost a job, been struggling with an emotional challenge or addiction. So many people have financial troubles and family problems, if we just stop and realize then maybe we could all be a little more understanding. I feel like I have the ability to see the potential in people, their goodness rather than their ills. I have found great peace through the process of forgiveness; both forgiving others and myself as well as being forgiven. While my physical health isn't quite where I want it to be, I have a new determination to get physically healthy. I sleep better, and have more patience with my family. I am better able to balance my two careers, family, and other obligations. It is far easier now to get myself out of those ruts so I'm not stuck so long and I know that if I continue to utilize these things it can only get better.
Be grateful for what you have not disappointed for what you don't have. Don't blame others or use bad circumstances as an excuse. Choose to be happy, choose to improve yourself and choose to eliminate negativity from your life. It's not easy and it won't happen overnight but it will be worth it.
We've all been stuck in a rut from time to time and I remember various stages of my life that felt like I was not progressing. Looking back I think that part of the reason I got stuck is because I lost my perspective, lost my drive or motivation, or I allowed negative things to pull me down. Having too much negative energy in your life is extremely destructive and it took me a great deal of time to learn how to eliminate that negativity.
The first thing I had to do was stop taking things so personal. So often we get offended by others around us, but usually there is no good reason to be offended. It's just our excuse to be mad about something. Letting things roll off your back is a tough but important lesson. Try telling yourself that you don't need negativity in your life and try to see the good in those around you. Not everything is a personal attack and when we take offense to something it only hurts us. Of course stand up for yourself if someone is intentionally hurting you, but don't play on their field.
Another important thing I had to do was stop assuming. Often we get upset over things that never even occurred simply because we assume. I had the opportunity to listen to a great speaker earlier this year Marc Elliot, author of "What Makes You Tic?" And he said, "Live and let live" Live your life and let others live theirs, and stop judging yourself based on what you assume others are thinking. Or rather as my husband says, make the best choice you can based on the information you have at the moment. Additionally, don't dwell on the past because we can only affect the present and future. Don't cling to things that bring you down or that don't have any real significance in your life.
There are many reasons we might get in a rut, career, family, friends, finances etc. But they all lead to the core problem stress. Stress is a huge factor in our poor health and all of these things can become major stressors in our lives if we don't find and use healthy coping strategies. I find that so many people I know, don't know what healthy coping strategies are, and for a long time, I didn't either. Some of the best things your can do are sometimes the simplest. Things like eating healthy and getting enough sleep are key to keeping your physical body at its maximum stress fighting potential. Another super important one is learn to say "no". This was also a hard lesson for me to learn but I am so glad I did. You can't do everything. No seriously...I know you are thinking that you HAVE to do everything or it won't get done, but trust me saying no to even just a few things will actually allow you to prioritize and have a better grasp on things so that you can be even more effective.
Other great coping strategies include, yoga, meditation, massage or even just taking a hot bath. Things that relax our physical body will also relax our minds. It's important that you focus on the whole person and not just one part. Surround yourself with people you enjoy and avoid people who make you feel stressed out. De-clutter your home and turn off your TV and electronics when you feel overwhelmed. Express your feelings, either to a trusted friend or confidante or on paper in a journal or blog. Journaling is a fantastic way to track your progress and really get your thoughts out without being interrupted.
Adjusting your perspective and viewing the big picture is a great way to re-frame. Focus on the positive and set realistic goals for yourself. So often people are consumed by perfection. Don't set yourself up for failure by setting unrealistic goals. If you have lofty goals break them down in to smaller more achievable goals so that you can see your progress along the way.
There are so many great ways to unwind and focus but you have to make it a priority. Choose to come out of your rut and choose to improve your well being. Take just 2 minutes each day to de stress. Go for a walk, play with a pet, laugh, listen to some music. These things will make a huge impact on your life if you let them.
What happens when you have tried these things and you still feel like you aren't getting anywhere? Every person is unique and different, with their own problems, so it's important to know your limits. If you feel like you have done all you can then seek out the guidance of others. Doctors, religious leaders and even a caring friend might have some additional insight that could help you work through your problems. It is hard not to be stubborn and continue to believe you can do it all on your own.
When you have expended all your healthy coping strategies, its time to enlist the help of others. About mid summer I started experiencing moderate anxiety. I wasn't sleeping and I would get anxiety attacks at the oddest times. At first I started journaling, then I started going to yoga, but after a while those things no longer worked. I noticed I would get a very short temper with my daughter and I felt like I was yelling at her all the time. I was exhausted and felt very frustrated. So I finally sought out the help of my bishop and doctor. Both gave me great advice and I decided to start taking an anti-anxiety pill. At first I didn't want to because I was worried about the stigma or opinions of others, I was also very hard on myself, thinking that I was weak or broken. But once my stress levels went down and I was finally sleeping again, I realized just how important it was for me to manage my anxiety. After only 6 months I have been able to come off my medication and still feel like myself. I feel stronger than ever and more confident that I can handle things that come my way. I also learned when enough is enough and it's time to get help beyond myself. As stubborn as I am this has always been a challenge, but I now know how important it is to seek out help from others.
Another key thing to learn is that your spiritual health is just as important as your physical health. When you are stuck in a rut, one of the best things you can do for yourself is improve your spiritual health. Finding ways to be inspired and moved on a deep emotional level can allow you to explore your inner thoughts and feelings as well as help you align your priorities. When we start looking beyond our current state and start viewing our potential this gives us hope and motivation for the future. I have spent a great deal of time over the past year and a half improving my spiritual health. Spirituality is entirely personal and is a great way to discover who you are without the influence of others. Try not to get hung up on "everything you are doing wrong" We all make mistakes and every time you choose God, or self improvement then you are achieving your goals in your spiritual life. Our Creator had intention when creating us and it is with that in mind that we must see our value. Each month I have set 1 small goal for myself, kept a journal of it and reflected upon what I learned. Through this journey I have found more happiness, I have improved my interpersonal relationships, I have forgiven more and felt and ease to my burdens. I believe it is this strength that guided me through the summer and allowed me to glean new insight after the fact. make your spiritual health a priority and if you have an open heart you will feel lifted out of the rut.
All this being said, I still have a few ruts from time to time but I feel like I am living my life on a happier sphere. I look out into the world and I see opportunities rather than challenges. I see wonderful people who are just trying to do the best they can like everyone else. I feel like if everyone could just stop for one second and realize that we have no idea what is going on in the lives of those around us, that we could overcome all of our differences. Each person is going through different struggles, and we have no idea if they have just lost a loved one, lost a job, been struggling with an emotional challenge or addiction. So many people have financial troubles and family problems, if we just stop and realize then maybe we could all be a little more understanding. I feel like I have the ability to see the potential in people, their goodness rather than their ills. I have found great peace through the process of forgiveness; both forgiving others and myself as well as being forgiven. While my physical health isn't quite where I want it to be, I have a new determination to get physically healthy. I sleep better, and have more patience with my family. I am better able to balance my two careers, family, and other obligations. It is far easier now to get myself out of those ruts so I'm not stuck so long and I know that if I continue to utilize these things it can only get better.
Be grateful for what you have not disappointed for what you don't have. Don't blame others or use bad circumstances as an excuse. Choose to be happy, choose to improve yourself and choose to eliminate negativity from your life. It's not easy and it won't happen overnight but it will be worth it.
Sunday, September 30, 2012
I Just Stepped on a Tomato
Raising children is a science experiment. Anyone who tells you differently doesn't have kids.
Little did I know what complete B.S. that was.
A little less than 5 years ago, my husband and I learned that we would soon become parents. News that shocked and surprised us at first and then brought excitement and joy. Before the birth of our daughter we had very specific ideas of how we would raise our children. We vowed that we would insure they never misbehave in public. I was confident that I was going to keep my child clean and tidy and we were mature and thoughtful when considering how we would teach her life lessons. We agreed on a plan of discipline and we read several books on parenting to help us be prepared. We even contemplated the idea of telling our child the truth about Santa Claus and the Easter Bunny. We even decided we would use proper names for body parts and we would never use "baby talk" to identify things.We developed a solid plan of approach and waited for the day of arrival. We had back up plans for conceivable events and I was committed to providing a healthy life for my child...
Little did I know what complete B.S. that was.
When our sweet daughter entered the world I was not immediately overcome with tears and joy. Let's just say the experience was surreal and it took me a bit to process the fact that I had just given birth. Additionally, they were going to let us take her home from the hospital and once we got home my husband and I just kept wondering "if her real parents were going to come get her." I'm not sure when we finally came to the realization that we were her real parents.
Before you have children you assume that your example and reactions to them is what shapes who they are. If you provide positive feedback for good behavior they will continue to do those things and negative feedback for unacceptable behavior then they will stop. HA! As the first few months passed, I realized very quickly that we as parents have very little to do with who our daughter becomes as a person.
As anyone will tell you, children do not come with an instruction manual. As children grow, their personalities become more apparent. Certainly our example and influence affect our children on some levels but sadly not always in the way we want.
The first time I realized how my behavior and example affected my daughter was when I first heard her say dammit . I hadn't even noticed that I had said it until I heard her banging a couple of blocks together saying "dammit, dammit, dammit." I turned to her and said "What are you doing?!" she looked at me so innocently as said "What, I'm just damning it." As many people discover along the way, being a parent requires some changes in our own behavior not just our children.
As our daughter grew we continued to learn that all of those things we had planned were really just superfluous. Although we established good routines and discipline, things never go the way you plan. I really don't know how people keep their children totally clean. We did strive not to use too much baby talk but it is far too easy and fun to mimic the sounds that those little ones make when they are first learning to communicate. As a mom I turned into a complete goob; mimicking my daughter as she learned new words, getting excited when she held her own bottle, went potty on her own, and giggling when she first tasted a lemon.
We had always planned to be very clinical with our daughter when it came to helping her learn about her body. You know, very "Look Who's Talking" with Kirsti Alley and John Travolta. One day she was going to the bathroom and as I checked on her I noticed that she was trying to stand on the toilet seat. I asked her what she was doing and she replied that she was going potty. I asked her to sit down and she stated "but daddy stands when he goes potty." I said "yes but you need to sit down." She looked at me puzzled as if thinking what to say and then she looked up at me very seriously and said "Daddy has a tail on his butt." I nearly had to leave the room to keep from falling over in laughter. Now one might think that this would be the prime opportunity to use those clinical words to describe body parts and the obvious differences between boys and girls. Well, I was laughing so hard and also embarrassed at the frankness of her description, relating it to the only thing in her world that was close to it, that I just nodded my head and said "yep, daddy has a tail on his butt." And left it at that. I fear that my daughter will be scarred for life when I finally get up the nerve to explain the differences in gender to her.
More recently, we have gone through the treacherous threes. Two was a great year and I often wonder when my sweet angel will come out from hiding, but three is a whole different game. Three has been an adventure to say the least and this past year I have learned a lot. As our daughter gains more independence I am realizing that I may have absolutely no control over who she becomes. She is stubborn and assertive and this results in her being even more dirty, never wanting her hair brushed, insisting on doing everything herself; which takes an insane amount of time, and patience, and a years worth of paper towels. She likes to get her own food and drinks, clean up after herself; which really leaves me with another mess, and she loves to be creative. The creativity of a child should be contained in a room covered in plastic with a hose handy. (We also always thought we'd ensure all the toys were picked up and everything was in its place...yeah right!)
This summer the strains of travel and life were really getting to me and I noticed that my patience with our daughter was getting thin. Sometimes out of sheer exhaustion from work I would loose my temper with her and her sweet forgiveness humbled me.
One day in particular I was in quite a rush to get to an appointment. After just slipping on a clean pair of socks I dashed through the house to find where the shoe fairy had left my shoes. Our daughter has always loved eating tomatoes and one of her favorite things is to pick them fresh from her great-grandfather's garden. We also buy small grape tomatoes and have them handy as a snack with Goldfish crackers. Upon entering the living room I caught my daughter sneaking a tomato off the table and in my hurry and impatience to get her going I rushed toward her to reprimand her for wasting time. At that moment I felt a cold squish under my foot. I quickly retracted my body and felt myself getting infuriated. I felt a rush of anger, wanting to yell at my little one for creating the situation at hand, or rather foot, and I wanted to scream. In that second, though, a new and more powerful thought entered my mind "are you seriously going to yell at your daughter for eating tomatoes?"
The moment the thought entered my mind I realized how shortsighted I had been. I looked down at my soggy sock and laughed. It was only a sock after all. After a moment's hesitation my daughter began to laugh too. I sat down next to her and she eagerly climbed into my lap. I pulled off the sock and gave her a big squeeze. With the remnants of a tomato still in her mouth she giggled and said "mom you stepped on a tomato." I laughed with her and I held on to that precious moment. Nothing else seemed as important as holding my sweet angel. The anger rushed away replaced by an overwhelming sense of love and gratitude. I was blessed with a beautiful little girl, who would rather eat tomatoes more than almost anything. I am lucky to have a husband who cooks from scratch every day so that she knows all her vegetables and actually enjoys eating them. I have two jobs and more than one pair of socks.
As I held my precious child I realized how silly and a little selfish I had been over the past few weeks. Everything I need in life is right here wrapped up in love. I let go of the anger I had been holding onto from everything that had gotten to me over the summer. I opened up my heart to forgive those who had wronged me and to forgive myself for thinking "I'll never be a perfect mom." In that moment I learned how moms really are perfect and that I might actually get the hang of this someday. I hugged and kissed my tomato slime little girl and found a new sock. I was grateful to clean up that stupid tomato I had squashed into the floor and I felt renewed in my purpose as a wife and mother.
As crazy as it feels, being a parent is the most wonderful thing that could ever happen to a person. I may never been the kind of mom who keeps my child totally clean, but then a little dirt never hurt anyone. The truth about Santa and the Easter Bunny is love and I pray she never stops believing in them. For her recent fourth birthday we held a cherry tomato relay race and made a group finger painting mural to allow all the kids to be creative. We don't have plastic covering our furniture and so far the 5 second rule has been an effective way of keeping germs away.
I have no idea when I will ever get the courage to explain to my daughter the difference between boys and girls, but I know one thing for sure, all it takes is stepping on a few tomatoes to help you see how truly blessed it is to be a parent and how unpredictably awesome it is to raise a child.
One day in particular I was in quite a rush to get to an appointment. After just slipping on a clean pair of socks I dashed through the house to find where the shoe fairy had left my shoes. Our daughter has always loved eating tomatoes and one of her favorite things is to pick them fresh from her great-grandfather's garden. We also buy small grape tomatoes and have them handy as a snack with Goldfish crackers. Upon entering the living room I caught my daughter sneaking a tomato off the table and in my hurry and impatience to get her going I rushed toward her to reprimand her for wasting time. At that moment I felt a cold squish under my foot. I quickly retracted my body and felt myself getting infuriated. I felt a rush of anger, wanting to yell at my little one for creating the situation at hand, or rather foot, and I wanted to scream. In that second, though, a new and more powerful thought entered my mind "are you seriously going to yell at your daughter for eating tomatoes?"
The moment the thought entered my mind I realized how shortsighted I had been. I looked down at my soggy sock and laughed. It was only a sock after all. After a moment's hesitation my daughter began to laugh too. I sat down next to her and she eagerly climbed into my lap. I pulled off the sock and gave her a big squeeze. With the remnants of a tomato still in her mouth she giggled and said "mom you stepped on a tomato." I laughed with her and I held on to that precious moment. Nothing else seemed as important as holding my sweet angel. The anger rushed away replaced by an overwhelming sense of love and gratitude. I was blessed with a beautiful little girl, who would rather eat tomatoes more than almost anything. I am lucky to have a husband who cooks from scratch every day so that she knows all her vegetables and actually enjoys eating them. I have two jobs and more than one pair of socks.
As I held my precious child I realized how silly and a little selfish I had been over the past few weeks. Everything I need in life is right here wrapped up in love. I let go of the anger I had been holding onto from everything that had gotten to me over the summer. I opened up my heart to forgive those who had wronged me and to forgive myself for thinking "I'll never be a perfect mom." In that moment I learned how moms really are perfect and that I might actually get the hang of this someday. I hugged and kissed my tomato slime little girl and found a new sock. I was grateful to clean up that stupid tomato I had squashed into the floor and I felt renewed in my purpose as a wife and mother.
As crazy as it feels, being a parent is the most wonderful thing that could ever happen to a person. I may never been the kind of mom who keeps my child totally clean, but then a little dirt never hurt anyone. The truth about Santa and the Easter Bunny is love and I pray she never stops believing in them. For her recent fourth birthday we held a cherry tomato relay race and made a group finger painting mural to allow all the kids to be creative. We don't have plastic covering our furniture and so far the 5 second rule has been an effective way of keeping germs away.
I have no idea when I will ever get the courage to explain to my daughter the difference between boys and girls, but I know one thing for sure, all it takes is stepping on a few tomatoes to help you see how truly blessed it is to be a parent and how unpredictably awesome it is to raise a child.
Sunday, August 5, 2012
A Smile is Contagious.
Have you ever wondered how it feels to be really happy? A friend of mine, going through a rough time was sharing their feelings with me the other day and said, "I don't know how to be happy. I don't know what I would do if I were actually happy." This message struck me. I too have my struggles as does everyone. Lately I have been experiencing some anxiety myself. Heavens knows why; I only work two jobs, have been travelling all summer, and tend to pile more on my plate than is normal. ;) I have worked hard to develop some healthy coping strategies like yoga, and writing in my journal. But when a friend says "I don't know what I would do if I were actually happy", it kinda makes you step back and think.
Over the past year and a half I have set some goals for myself and worked hard at reaching them. Goals to be a better listener, to strengthen my faith in God, and to find that true Joy that I know is out there. On any given day I don't go around all cupcakes and butterflies, I mean I have to live in reality too. But for the most part I feel pretty happy. I enjoy life, I love my family, I like getting up for work in the morning, and I am grateful for all the ways God blesses my life. I recognize these things and I revel in the goodness I find there. I still get mad, frustrated, even infuriated sometimes. So how do we learn how to feel happy?
In this day and age it doesn't seem like there are many things to be happy about. The economy is still stuck, jobs are getting harder, raising kids is getting more difficult with media and morality debates every step of the way. For example, I took my daughter to the mall and she wanted to play on the kid's slide. After a few minutes she comes over to me almost in tears and said "mommy, they aren't taking their turns, I can't get my turn." All the other kids were climbing over her. There were kids in there that were really too big to be playing and none of them seemed to notice the little girl they were shoving out of the way. I literally saw a young boy climb over her and step on her hand. How do we teach our children to be good people when there are so many who are not examples of good behavior? So I wonder, with so much bad in the world, it's a wonder anyone can find happiness. More and more people are struggling with depression, anxiety, and other mental disorders. Additionally, health in America is declining with rampant obesity, diabetes, and heart disease. It is clear that people are searching for whatever they can to fill the void of unhappiness.
So as I pondered the statement my friend made, I thought about how I had found happiness. I don't remember when but I do remember someone at some point in my life telling me that you have to choose to be happy. As a little girl I remember my mother and grandmother being silly and enjoying the simple things in life. Growing up in a family with little finances, my mother instilled in me the message that "we may not be rich with money, but we are rich in love." I have carried this with me throughout my whole life. Which is good because as a young person, money has been a struggle. I also was blessed with a very supportive family. I remember a particularly difficult time in my life and when you are scraping the bottom of the barrel it is easy to feel like giving up. Luckily I had my mom's voice in the back of my mind, always loving me and that truly kept me going. I have always observed those around me and tried to learn from their mistakes. I have always tried to really internalize those motivational messages that I hear, but all of that seems so incomplete when it comes to answering the question about how to find happiness.
I was channel surfing the other day and happened upon Oprah's new station and her Sunday show called Lifeclass. I instantly got sucked into a story on letting go of anger. Forgiveness is a key element in finding happiness I've discovered. She shared a variety of stories of individuals who, through their personal trials, were able to forgive others and let go of their anger. This was a powerful lesson to me. It is absolutely true that hate and anger will consume your life if you let it. I often say offhanded that I don't have the time or energy to hate people and even though I say it lightly it really is true. It takes a great deal of energy to hate a person and swim around in that drama. Free yourself by choosing not to hate others. Oprah furthers her lesson by saying, you can accept that something happened to you but you don't have to let it consume you. Bad things will happen to us, and in some cases those bad things will be the direct result of a choice that another person has made. We can either choose to learn something from the experience or we can allow that hurt and hate to consume us.
I get road rage pretty bad and even in the midst of yelling some obscenity at someone who can't hear me, I am always reminded of the Lord's hand in my life. I can't help but thank God for putting the slow person in front of me because I will never know what unforeseen circumstance I avoided by being a little slower. I am also humbled by this because I am reminded that I have no idea what is going on in that other person's life. Perhaps they are on their way to a job interview and they have been out of work for several months. Perhaps they are on their way to a grandchild's birthday party, or maybe, like me, they have a stubborn child in the back seat driving them nuts. Putting myself in other people's shoes has really helped me find the good in my life.
Faith has been the other big thing in my life lately. I have been working hard to strengthen my faith in God. I have always wanted to learn more about God and I enjoy going to church and learning how to be a better person. Over the past year I have done more personal study and tried to be more Christlike in dealing with others and I can tell you that this has brought me a great amount of Joy. Not only in helping others but also in helping myself. I am very grateful for the way the Lord works in my life and for the lessons He teaches me. Working hard to better myself and increase my faith in God has helped me find more happiness and more peace.
Take time to recognize the goodness in your life. Enjoy the beauty that surrounds you each day. Let go of anger and work toward forgiveness. Have Faith. Love your friends and family and enjoy spending time with them. Do good for others. Choose to be happy today. Learn from those difficult experiences and cling to the silver lining as if your life depended on it. Hold a baby. Turn off all your electronics and go for a walk or take a relaxing bath.
These are just a few of the things I do to create happiness. I don't think happiness just happens. we have to create it, we have to live it, and we have to share it. Be silly and always remember the kid inside. I like to slide across the floor in my socks or dance in my living room with my daughter. I know if you look deep within yourself you can find some happiness. But above all, never give up. help those around you see the good in life. If you are struggling like my friend, maybe part of it is fake it till you make it. Try something new even if you think it won't work. A smile is contagious and you just might find, that for one small moment you are happy.
Over the past year and a half I have set some goals for myself and worked hard at reaching them. Goals to be a better listener, to strengthen my faith in God, and to find that true Joy that I know is out there. On any given day I don't go around all cupcakes and butterflies, I mean I have to live in reality too. But for the most part I feel pretty happy. I enjoy life, I love my family, I like getting up for work in the morning, and I am grateful for all the ways God blesses my life. I recognize these things and I revel in the goodness I find there. I still get mad, frustrated, even infuriated sometimes. So how do we learn how to feel happy?
In this day and age it doesn't seem like there are many things to be happy about. The economy is still stuck, jobs are getting harder, raising kids is getting more difficult with media and morality debates every step of the way. For example, I took my daughter to the mall and she wanted to play on the kid's slide. After a few minutes she comes over to me almost in tears and said "mommy, they aren't taking their turns, I can't get my turn." All the other kids were climbing over her. There were kids in there that were really too big to be playing and none of them seemed to notice the little girl they were shoving out of the way. I literally saw a young boy climb over her and step on her hand. How do we teach our children to be good people when there are so many who are not examples of good behavior? So I wonder, with so much bad in the world, it's a wonder anyone can find happiness. More and more people are struggling with depression, anxiety, and other mental disorders. Additionally, health in America is declining with rampant obesity, diabetes, and heart disease. It is clear that people are searching for whatever they can to fill the void of unhappiness.
So as I pondered the statement my friend made, I thought about how I had found happiness. I don't remember when but I do remember someone at some point in my life telling me that you have to choose to be happy. As a little girl I remember my mother and grandmother being silly and enjoying the simple things in life. Growing up in a family with little finances, my mother instilled in me the message that "we may not be rich with money, but we are rich in love." I have carried this with me throughout my whole life. Which is good because as a young person, money has been a struggle. I also was blessed with a very supportive family. I remember a particularly difficult time in my life and when you are scraping the bottom of the barrel it is easy to feel like giving up. Luckily I had my mom's voice in the back of my mind, always loving me and that truly kept me going. I have always observed those around me and tried to learn from their mistakes. I have always tried to really internalize those motivational messages that I hear, but all of that seems so incomplete when it comes to answering the question about how to find happiness.
I was channel surfing the other day and happened upon Oprah's new station and her Sunday show called Lifeclass. I instantly got sucked into a story on letting go of anger. Forgiveness is a key element in finding happiness I've discovered. She shared a variety of stories of individuals who, through their personal trials, were able to forgive others and let go of their anger. This was a powerful lesson to me. It is absolutely true that hate and anger will consume your life if you let it. I often say offhanded that I don't have the time or energy to hate people and even though I say it lightly it really is true. It takes a great deal of energy to hate a person and swim around in that drama. Free yourself by choosing not to hate others. Oprah furthers her lesson by saying, you can accept that something happened to you but you don't have to let it consume you. Bad things will happen to us, and in some cases those bad things will be the direct result of a choice that another person has made. We can either choose to learn something from the experience or we can allow that hurt and hate to consume us.
I get road rage pretty bad and even in the midst of yelling some obscenity at someone who can't hear me, I am always reminded of the Lord's hand in my life. I can't help but thank God for putting the slow person in front of me because I will never know what unforeseen circumstance I avoided by being a little slower. I am also humbled by this because I am reminded that I have no idea what is going on in that other person's life. Perhaps they are on their way to a job interview and they have been out of work for several months. Perhaps they are on their way to a grandchild's birthday party, or maybe, like me, they have a stubborn child in the back seat driving them nuts. Putting myself in other people's shoes has really helped me find the good in my life.
Faith has been the other big thing in my life lately. I have been working hard to strengthen my faith in God. I have always wanted to learn more about God and I enjoy going to church and learning how to be a better person. Over the past year I have done more personal study and tried to be more Christlike in dealing with others and I can tell you that this has brought me a great amount of Joy. Not only in helping others but also in helping myself. I am very grateful for the way the Lord works in my life and for the lessons He teaches me. Working hard to better myself and increase my faith in God has helped me find more happiness and more peace.
Take time to recognize the goodness in your life. Enjoy the beauty that surrounds you each day. Let go of anger and work toward forgiveness. Have Faith. Love your friends and family and enjoy spending time with them. Do good for others. Choose to be happy today. Learn from those difficult experiences and cling to the silver lining as if your life depended on it. Hold a baby. Turn off all your electronics and go for a walk or take a relaxing bath.
These are just a few of the things I do to create happiness. I don't think happiness just happens. we have to create it, we have to live it, and we have to share it. Be silly and always remember the kid inside. I like to slide across the floor in my socks or dance in my living room with my daughter. I know if you look deep within yourself you can find some happiness. But above all, never give up. help those around you see the good in life. If you are struggling like my friend, maybe part of it is fake it till you make it. Try something new even if you think it won't work. A smile is contagious and you just might find, that for one small moment you are happy.
Friday, May 11, 2012
On Turning 30
In less than 1 hour I will officially be 30 years old. This is a pivotal moment in every young person's life and everyone reacts to 30 differently. It is an exciting bittersweet experience thus far. But what does it mean to be 30? I used to think I knew. When I was in high school I had this image or rather fantasy of what I thought my life would be like at 30. I imagined I'd be married with a kid or two. I thought I'd have some matching furniture in a nice little house and I thought we'd be in a fairly stable financial situation. You know, after graduating from college and finding careers, I thought paying our bills would be pretty simple and that we'd also have money in savings. Building up a little nest egg or saving for the future of our kids. I thought I'd be...well, settled.
Unfortunately, 30 is quite different. Despite the lack of my very own parking place and a little white fence there are some parts of turning 30 I had never even considered. I had no idea that the economy would tank and that renting an apartment would actually turn out in our favor. It allows us freedom and mobility and when stuff breaks, we don't have to pay to fix it. :) I never imagined I would be so loved by the most beautiful little girl in the whole world. I also never imagined I could be so completely happily married. So many people have trouble with their relationships and in this day and age it's hard not to trip over someone breaking up or getting divorced. Even though I have loved my husband for nearly 12 years, before we were married and even early on, there was always that tiny fear that things may not work out. Now I am just so grateful for him and the life that we have built, every single day. Do we always see eye to eye, no. But we work together to build one another up. He is my biggest supporter and I can't imagine spending my 30th birthday or any birthday with anyone else.
Turning 30 isn't what I thought it would be, instead it is so much more. I am loved and happy and I've been able to do things I never thought I could. I have true friends who I can call on in the middle of the night. I have a loving family. I have a roof over my head, food on my table, and a great cook to make my dinner :) Most of all I have a sense of accomplishment, great self worth and faith in God.
I don't think it gets much better than this. Happy birthday to me!
Unfortunately, 30 is quite different. Despite the lack of my very own parking place and a little white fence there are some parts of turning 30 I had never even considered. I had no idea that the economy would tank and that renting an apartment would actually turn out in our favor. It allows us freedom and mobility and when stuff breaks, we don't have to pay to fix it. :) I never imagined I would be so loved by the most beautiful little girl in the whole world. I also never imagined I could be so completely happily married. So many people have trouble with their relationships and in this day and age it's hard not to trip over someone breaking up or getting divorced. Even though I have loved my husband for nearly 12 years, before we were married and even early on, there was always that tiny fear that things may not work out. Now I am just so grateful for him and the life that we have built, every single day. Do we always see eye to eye, no. But we work together to build one another up. He is my biggest supporter and I can't imagine spending my 30th birthday or any birthday with anyone else.
Turning 30 isn't what I thought it would be, instead it is so much more. I am loved and happy and I've been able to do things I never thought I could. I have true friends who I can call on in the middle of the night. I have a loving family. I have a roof over my head, food on my table, and a great cook to make my dinner :) Most of all I have a sense of accomplishment, great self worth and faith in God.
I don't think it gets much better than this. Happy birthday to me!
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