Crazy but good.

Well, it's been a while since I've posted anything. I'm sure you were all waiting on the edge of your seats pining for me to write some more. :) If you aren't familiar with the seasons of debate then here is the down low: during the summer you contact your students for an initial get to know you, most of the varsity students prep during the summer and we often have a little mini camp for a few days to give our students the extra information they need to get ready for competition. Then school starts the end of August, first part of Sept. Our first tournament is the last weekend in October, then we have approximately 10 two day tournaments from November through the end of February with qualifying tournaments in March and April. Then Nationals in June and then we start over again. So unfortunately people usually don't see me or hear from me from November or December until April. And as can be observed from my blog, that's pretty much what happened this time.

                                             Chillin in my classroom.

So what have I been doing all this time to improve myself? Well after graduating from The College of Massage Therapy and starting my massage business in October I have been excited to watch my clientele grow and my business reach more people. I enjoyed spending the holidays with family and take whatever break I could. After the holidays I set a goal to loose 30 lbs by my 30th birthday and I joined Gold's Gym. In February I was selected as the area's National Forensic League district coach of the year. I was very excited about this accomplishment having only coached for 5 short years. I gained some new and different responsibilities at my church and I attempted to get through a few books I had started.

I've refocused my efforts on spending quality time with my family and while I was on spring break I believe I did just that. Watching my daughter grow and learn is amazing. Anyone who has ever had the pleasure of watching a three year old can probably understand this wonder to behold. I try not to be one of those parents that 'thinks my kid is a genius' but isn't it fascinating to watch them discover the world. One of my favorite things is listening to her develop language. Our ability to communicate truly is what sets us apart as a species and it is what makes us human. It is baffling to watch her learn new words and even more, to listen to her make connections between things.

Now it's May and only a few weeks away from my birthday and not nearly close enough to meet my weight loss goals. However, I have learned some good lessons. With all the stress and craziness with my career in education it has been hard to decide to stay teaching another year or put all my energy and effort into growing my massage therapy business. It is my goal to transition out of education and into massage therapy but it is a scary and risky experience to change careers. Next year is going to come with some big changes and as much as I'd like to throw in the towel now, we just feel it wouldn't be financially prudent.

I have been working hard at working out and eating healthy. I have enjoyed my weight lifting class. Although I haven't met my weight loss goals I feel better about my body, I feel like I've lost body fat and my pants fit better; which I think is the better measure. It is NOT easy to loose weight. However, I have had some great experiences through my workouts and even recently had an almost spiritual moment during a spinning class. All in all I'm glad I joined the gym and I feel better every day that I go.


Transitions and change are good. They allow us to see our world from a different perspective. In one week I will turn 30. Isn't it funny how we have a picture in our mind of how our life will be when we are 30. I remember in high school, thinking that by this point, I would have graduated with my Master's degree, own a home and be able to pay all my bills and still have money left over for food and gas. Boy was I naive! I guess some lessons you can only learn the hard way. I do find it frustrating when I see barely twenty something's going around as if they've got it all figured out. They have a great house with matching furniture, a kid or two, a decent job, and they seem to be doing pretty well. But I suppose everyone is dealt a different hand of cards so we have to go with what we've got.

Someday I will have that house and some matching furniture to go with it. But most of all I just want happiness and joy....Oh and a parking spot that is all my own!

Little by little.

I hate change. But c'est la vie; sometimes life throws you interesting challenges and you have to suck it up. Teaching has been my passion for the past five years and a dream since I was in the second grade. Unfortunately dreams aren't always as idealistic as when you are seven. Education, as many of you know, has taken an interesting direction as of late. Not one that I am totally opposed to but there are certainly many things that I wish were different. The biggest problem for me is this attitudinal barrier that teachers are little more than babysitters with no worthwhile skills nor contributions to society.
This, along with a great deal of student apathy, has led me to consider some changes of my own. As a recent graduate from The College of Massage Therapy I have a whole new set of tools I can use to help people. With this in mind, as well as my unbelievable organizational abilities and efficiency, have made me wonder if my path should go a different way for a while.
What is it that people often say? There aren't any regrets only what ifs? I'm not sure if that is the exact quote or not but it's an interesting thought.

What if I stayed in teaching and what if I started doing massage full time?
If I stay in teaching there is little to no financial growth in my current position as an educator. The state and school district continues to reduce benefits and kids are increasingly apathetic toward their education. On a personal and professional level I feel there are still many ways I can grow and learn but is that outweighed by the need to be recognized for excelling in my current skills or the need to adequately provide for my family.

A lot of people stay in education because they LOVE teaching. I love teaching too. I hate to sound greedy, but I went to college and got a degree so I could pursue a job that would allow me to grow both professionally and financially. I never expected to be "Rich" as a teacher, but I thought it wasn't far reaching to expect to be able to buy a house and pay my bills.

After college I thought the days of living paycheck to paycheck were over. I always laugh when people talk to me about buying a house, as if we actually have money in our savings account.

I've recently been conducting a little study of my own to ask my colleagues why they teach or why they stay. The majority of them have spouses who work full time and make $60-$100K a year. So my colleagues can "afford" to teach.

This saddens me. So I contemplate daily, what life changes I can make to achieve financial security.


So on a positive note, change can be motivating.  And blessings can be answered.

Regardless of what I decide to do, my massage therapy business has been thriving. I am constantly getting new clients and helping others that want to be helped. This can really fill up your "bucket". :)

Other changes can help you get your life back into perspective. The past few years have been a crazy whirlwind of insanity. I've been going at 150 miles per hour every day for as long as I can remember. I've missed out on a lot with my family and it has really come to the forefront more recently. So I made a few changes in my schedule. Started saying no more often and continue to trim down all that I do and I realized very quickly how important that family time really is. The next few months appear pretty busy, so in order to  maintain my family time I need to make sure I keep that in perspective.

Taking time for myself has been a work in progress but one that has shown me how important it really is. Creating a balanced life is a truly healthy and invigorating experience. I have found that when I take time for myself, I have more energy and patience to focus on my other duties, so I do them better and more fully.

This past year  has been an interesting journey, one with some fascinating lessons and many wonderful experiences. So looking back I hope that I can make the best choice that will lead me to optimum outcome. But isn't that what we are always hoping for?

Sick and Tired....

Being sick fails, but being sick when you are a super workaholic, perfectionist, always have thirty things going on simultaneously, is even worse. But let me back up.

On October 4th I graduated from the Massage Therapy program from The College of Massage Therapy at Bingham Memorial Hospital. It was a year long program that, not only taught me a lot about massage therapy, but also a lot about business and working with others. The end of a program is always bittersweet. Of course it is exciting to be finished but it's a little sad to say goodbye to the people you've just spent the last year with. It also brings a sort of senioritis that caused us to act a little immature from time to time. Regardless, I made it, and surprisingly one of my final classes really spoke to me. My last few weeks of class really diversified my education and made me realize that people can be healed using many kinds of therapy. This was a very important lesson to learn and I think it was a great lesson to have right before opening my own practice.

Upon completion of my program I started my own massage therapy practice. This has been an exciting and scary endeavor. I truly want to help people while also maintaining my family time and grow as a professional. Massage therapy has given me so many new tools to use to develop my potential. In order to celebrate this new path I recently hosted a grand opening. Who knew I was so determined?

I woke up very early on Saturday to terrible nausea. Dinner is never good when it comes back out. Thankfully, with some help, I was able to make it to my office. Certain it was just a small case of food poisoning, I was determined to push through to make a good impression on all my potential clients. We had a great time and I really enjoyed spending time with those who attended. A huge thanks to all those that came out to support me. I am looking forward to great success in the massage therapy business.

Now that I'm finished with my schooling I thought things would get less stressful. Unfortunately I'm not sure I know how to live without stress. My debate team is doing very well this year as we prepare for the first tournament. My captains are working hard and I am proud of the progress they have made thus far. As always though, I have a lot on my plate. Between planning a debate leadership retreat, assisting in running a conference, planning a Spa day for my clients and trying to manage my finances and spend time with my family, those little things just add up to one gigantic pile of stress. Top that off with a little worry about my students struggling at home, in life and at school makes for long nights when my mind just doesn't shut off. Toss in a few family issues or a sick friend. Then stir in a bit of bad salad...this is a dangerous recipe. One not without side effects.

I've never struggled with my sleep habits and lately I have been experiencing a bout of insomnia. I try to go to bed at the same time but my mind just won't shut off. Then I wake at unbelievable hours and can't go back to sleep. This has also affected my eating habits. I've never been one to skip a meal and now I find I have no appetite and the things I do eat just aren't appealing to me. Perhaps the one up-side is that I might loose a few pounds but that's unlikely. I don't think it is ever a good thing when your sleep pattern is disrupted and this is highly unusual for me. 

I've never been one to take a lot of medications so the search for insomnia treatments is a bit bumpy. I took a hot bath the other night, tried some light reading, listened to relaxing music, then a book on my ipod last night, but I am still struggling. Last night I decided to take some magnesium which my chiropractor tells me is a natural muscle relaxer and some melatonin that is supposed to induce sleep. I'm not sure if it helped much, I had very weird dreams and it felt more like that crappy sleep when you aren't awake enough to really be coherent but you aren't asleep enough to be relaxed and getting rest. I anticipated that at some point I would hit a wall and feel extremely tired but so far that hasn't happened.

As a result of not sleeping well, I now have a pretty awesome headache. This comes along with a pinched nerve in my neck and a future appointment at the chiropractor. 

So these are some of the things I'm doing in spite of the insomnia and in order to create a more balanced life.  I'm constantly trying to maintain my goal of positivity this year. Toward my work, toward my students, but especially toward education. I'm trying to say 'no' more, so that I can increase the quality of my work not just the quantity. I'm trying to be more patient with my family and say more positive and loving things to them. And I'm trying to take a little time for myself. 

I care about my students, I want to be the best I can be at all the things I do, and I want to help others. Additionally, I want to provide for my family and create an environment that ensures our financial stability. I want to have fun and grow as an individual and professional. I don't want to hit a dead end in my career, health or otherwise. I hope that over the next few weeks I can get a grip of all the things on my plate and overcome this little bump. 

Inspiration and Dedication.

It's funny how unmotivated you can become over something you love so much. The past 4 years have been a curious study of that evolution. 4 years ago I began my journey as a teacher. Well it actually started much earlier than that. When I was in the second grade I loved my teacher so much that I wanted to become a teacher when I grew up. Mrs. Eggbert was so nice and always had fun things for us to do. After that I had many other great teachers who influenced my desire to become a teacher. Then when I made it to college and had to decide what I wanted to do it felt natural to follow that path. I graduated and immediately was offered my dream job to teach speech and debate. I knew it would be hard, my student teaching wasn't a bowl of peaches, but I made it. My first year was survival and each year following had different challenges. I had some ups and downs but last year was particularly challenging. With the cutbacks and the overall devaluing of teachers I just wasn't sure I wanted to do it again. But being a dedicated person I made the commitment to teach another year.

Upon arriving at our annual district faculty meetings I was pleasantly surprised to feel something different. after a few days of meetings I had regained that lost inspiration. I don't know if it was watching a clip from The Freedom Writers, or standing in a circle with my colleagues to thank one another for being so great to work with and showing our gratitude for one another but I left feeling renewed and excited about the school year. Although I was still a little nervous about what the first day of school would bring I made a promise to myself to be more positive this year than last year. To say more positive things  and not complain so much.

Walking into my classroom on Monday morning and meeting each new student as they came in was great. Each class has a unique dynamic and they seemed really engaged in my opening activities. Day one ended great and I was so excited to get to know all my kids. Day two went fairly well with only a few minor bumps but lead me to make some changes to my day three lesson. Today I made it through day three and it was a success!

All in all this week has been great. I have been re-inspired and I am as dedicated as ever to make the most out of this year. I want my curriculum to be engaging, exciting and most of all I want my kids to learn a-lot. I want them to have a-ha moments and become productive members of society. I want to be able to ask hard questions and get some good answers. I don't know if I will stay in education forever, but I'm here now and I'm going to make the most of it!

Up One Hill, Down Another

So this is the end of week three of the jogging and healthy eating program. I was pretty bummed when I looked at the scale this morning and it still read 140 (yes that's my actual weight). I guess I shouldn't be too ashamed of that number but I had hoped to see some improvements. The scale went down to about 137 the other day but those three pounds came back from wherever they were hiding. On the other hand, I'm still sticking with it so I guess that's something, and I do have more energy. I have very nearly stopped drinking soda altogether and even picked up some V8 fusion. I'm not sure how entirely healthy it is but it makes me feel good about myself. Another happy bonus is that those I care about most have noticed positive changes, so even though the scale doesn't show it yet something must be happening. The other day I even jogged my entire little route without stopping. This was pretty tough but I just kept pushing, hopefully it will pay off in the end.

Life is kind of funny though, just as things start looking like they are going well something unexpected happens. Like I sprained my ankle loading up my car so I took a little break from jogging and I've noticed a big difference in my energy. It really showed me how much those 15 or so minutes affect my whole day. I'm going again tomorrow regardless of how my ankle feels. Even if I just get out and walk I think that will be good. I drank too much caffeine today and that made me feel like crap. Man once you start putting healthy stuff into your body, it really doesn't like it when you down a 20 oz latte in the morning and a Dr. Pepper for lunch. Although it was pretty delicious.

Spending time with Rachel really has been the best part of this summer! Kids really make you stop and appreciate the little things that so often we take for granted. She gets so excited about things that I rarely think about. She gets excited to get up in the morning, to eat pretty much anything, to watch her favorite show, to sit on my lap, to take a bath, to get her PJ's on, to listen to a story, to say her prayers, etc. Where has that childlike passion for life gone? Am I really so cynical that I can't see all the miracles around me?

Sometimes I get so tired and that's when she usually does something really silly. We go through the routine of life but how often do we truly marvel? I know I sure don't. I was frustrated just the other morning with her because she didn't really want to get ready. Or rather she was getting distracted by a bunch of other things. So of course I lost my temper. But looking back I think, "you know what, it wouldn't have been the end of the world if we had been late." I should have just sat down and built that block tower. So I've been thinking about what I could do to recapture some of that amazement.

This past Saturday we drove up to a meadow next to Palisades for a friend's retirement party and the scenery was so beautiful that it really inspired me. It also motivated me to go camping. Not that it takes much to motivate me, I love camping! But I haven't been in so long I don't even know if we have all the stuff. Regardless I think it would be just wonderful to take Rachel and just enjoy spending time with her. She loves it outside and usually cries when it is time to come in. I feel so lucky to have a little automatic reminder of life's beauty and joy I just wish I could remember that all the time. Like in the middle of January 3 weeks into the heart of debate season, or the Monday after Nat quals, or the week before spring break.

One person in my life, that never seemed to take anything for granted though, was my grams. She lived life to its fullest and was always happy and excited about every little thing. My grandma always loved music and she always had it playing. She had a radio in every room in the house and no matter what, if a song came on she liked, she would crank it up and dance around. That's probably one of my most favorite memories of her. It didn't matter if she just got done giving somebody "what for". Or if people had just finished a really serious conversation. She didn't care, she just turned up the music and started singing and dancing. And whoever was standing nearby, she usually danced with. That's how I want to be :) She'd say it was because "I'm from Missour-ah, don't cha know" She never said Missouri, always with an 'ah' sound at the end. Oh how I miss that wonderful woman but you can only imagine how much and many people's lives she blessed while she was here. If you were one of the lucky few to know her you know that kind of goodness just can't be contained. I've often said that someday I want to be just like her. Well that's going to start today. Maybe then I can keep those small wonders in focus.

Here's to you Grams. 

A Balancing Act.

So I've been making a lot of healthy decisions lately. I think part of finding Joy is finding a way to be balanced and healthy. This whole process has changed my perspective but even more so it has changed my behavior. I have always wanted to be more healthy and balanced but wanting it is much different than actually making it happen. Learning more from my massage therapy classes is helping me see a bigger perspective. Eating healthier is a big part of my problem. I don't know if other people have the same problem but I am totally addicted to sugar, carbs and cheese! YUM! Although I'm not so extreme to say everyone needs to start growing their own produce or only buying organic; there is something to be said for eating less processed foods. And while the chances of me ever becoming a vegetarian are about as good as "hell freezing over" I certainly wouldn't be hurt by integrating a few more veggies into my diet.

I decided a few weeks ago to cut down, almost entirely on soda. The last time I stopped drinking soda I lost about 12 pounds! And I need to loose a few more than that. I also decided to try to eat smaller portions and not eat so many sweets. As much as I love my snacks and cookies I think they are really contributing to my inability to get in shape. I also started jogging. For me, this is like climbing Mt. Everest. Anyone who has ever known me, knows that in my opinion, running is the worst activity on the planet. I hate exercise in general, not getting up and moving, but the systematic patterns of movements that some people long ago decided were "good for you". When I was younger I did dance. I did approximately 6 hours of dance a week. Plus I practiced on my own free time and I also moved around a lot at home. My sisters and I would run around our property until it was way past time to come in and during the summer I played softball. Well I tried to play softball. I think I was the worst player and I think our team was second to last in our league. We were so bad we couldn't even win at Failing. hehe. Needless to say I got a lot more "exercise" when I was younger.

After having Rachel I was disappointed that the stereotype was true, about your body going to hell after you have kids. I watch those commercials for Slimquick where the guy starts drinking diet soda for a few weeks and the female says she's been drinking water for a year and he shrinks down to be really thin and she just looses a bit where she doesn't want to...yeah I relate to that. I've tried a few diet fads and they just suck. I just get hungry and then it all goes to crap. So I decided that that just isn't for me. I can't starve myself or cut the foods I love out of my diet. Plus, as many of you know, my husband cooks for me and he makes the BEST food. None of those diets will let me eat anything he cooks so I kept setting myself up for failure. I also HATE cooking so making separate meals for myself is also not an option. Adding more protein and eating smaller portions is where I'm starting. It may only be a baby step, but if it is something I can do consistently then maybe it can help me change my eating habits. Cutting out my Doritos and Coke probably won't hurt either.

More recently, I decided I was going to start the jogging thing. I saw the pictures we took on our trip to Italy and Greece (yeah I know, you all hate me and are super jealous. All I can say is, it was awesome and you just need to go. Find a way to go to the places you've always wanted to go. I will talk more about this later.) I was horrified at what I saw. I realize that for most of  you, you are probably thinking, "wow Melissa, you are dumb you don't need to loose any weight blah blah blah" I appreciate your kind words and thoughts but we all have body image issues and while I don't want to be anorexic, I also don't want to be a size 12. I'd like to tone up my tummy as all moms, I think, do. I'd like to get some muscle tone back and be able to jog the length of the driveway at my apartment complex without getting winded. I want to have more energy so I can keep up with my beautiful daughter and I want to have a healthy self image. I love myself, I do, but I don't think there is anything wrong with wanting to be more healthy and fit. I want to feel like the Rock Star I know I am, when I get dressed EVERY day, not just on days I put in a ton of extra effort. I want to have more confidence and part of that is working on those little areas that need some improvement.
I know I'll never be 19 again, but why should I settle and choose not to do anything because someone once said we should "love ourselves" and delusional people interpreted that as inaction. I do love myself and that's exactly why I am doing this. I also love my family and I want to be as healthy as I can so I can do all the things I love.

I was reading in my textbook "Staying Healthy With the Seasons" (you should check it out) its my book for Asian Theory and I have learned a lot about finding balance and being healthier. Ancient Chinese medicine may not be for everyone, I'm not even sure it's for me, but a lot of what I'm reading makes sense. "Moderation in all things, including moderation." sometimes you just have to go to your limits. This affirms my own religious beliefs as well. Eating healthy means paying more attention to what we put into our body for nourishment. Sometimes we forget that nourishment is the purpose for the food we eat. How many of us (totally me) eat because we are stressed, bored, lonely, upset. I've learned that we need to be more calm when we eat. How often do I eat on the run and then either feel like crap afterward or still feel hungry? Being in Europe taught me a good lesson, slow down. For some reason in America and probably elsewhere- we are just going 100 miles per hour 24-7 and this causes a great deal of mental, emotional, spiritual, and physical problems.

This is why I decided to make some healthy changes. I am always looking for ways to grow and learn and become the person I want to be and I hope that I can keep it up. Today is just day 2 of the jogging thing, but I was pretty proud of myself when I jogged further than yesterday and did so with fewer breaks. I feel like I have more energy and getting up early is very peaceful. The sunrise this morning inspired me to keep getting up, plus I don't think anyone should jog in the summer after 6am, because it is freakin hot. :) I am also doing some P90X Yoga and some sit-ups too.

If you are feeling run down or out of shape and you want to make some changes but aren't sure how, just pick one little baby step and see how it goes. Have faith in yourself and keep your end goal in mind. In other words, find your happy thought! I will keep you posted as to how this new workout regimen goes. In the next month or so I want to add some meditation and who knows what else. All I know is that for the moment I'm pretty happy.

A bowl of Peaches

Often when I am being cynical I profess to others that life isn't a bowl of cupcakes or peaches. Life is tough. How do we find quality time and quality happiness amidst the chaos of life?
A life can change in a matter of seconds. The person you love most could be gone quicker than the blink of an eye.
One day can be amazing and the next can be turmoil. Over the past several weeks I have experienced some of these sensations and I have to say I've learned some great lessons.
First, I am grateful that I can experience emotion and though it sucks when times are tough it is awesome when things are going well. The visceral reaction it takes to be passionate about something or cry in despair enables us to reflect on that which is most important in our lives. Our natural reaction is to find more of the good stuff and eliminate the bad. But I'm a hypocrite as this is easier said than done.

Finding joy is partly about finding balance and in order to have balance you must have boundaries.
Having healthy limits for yourself and a respect for the boundaries of others is a great way to create a little balance.
Consider your values, what is most important to you? Why? How do you know? What does that look like?
How do you show love and respect for yourself?
How do others show love and respect for you?
Often we see love an respect as acknowledging and respecting our boundaries.

Next, understand your limits. If you are anything like me then you probably take on WAY more than you can often handle. This can lead to you doing things for others to the detriment of yourself.
Doing things for others can give us a great sense of satisfaction and make us feel great, but if these actions mean that you can't accomplish your own responsibilities or causes you to take your family or friends for granted then that isn't balance and that isn't joyful.
Maybe you do things when you are physically ill or exhausted, and again if you are anything like me then you probably don't take much time for yourself or take a break.

Recently I was reminded the hard way that I need to take a break. I had a respiratory infection that left me with a chronic cough going on 3 weeks. I had to take time off work and the cough has lead to other issues like headaches and back ache which make it difficult to complete all the tasks I need to.
Don't let your pride get in the way of your physical, emotional or psychological needs.
A wise person once said "you have to love yourself before you can love anyone else and before they can love you." on the same token you have to take care of yourself before you can take care of others.
Having healthy boundaries can help you avoid being overwhelmed.

Effective communication is key. Use positive affirmation to improve your self perception and then communicate your boundaries to those around you so that everyone is working on the same page.

When turmoil turns your life upside down, that is NOT the time to figure out what your boundaries are. Identifying and expressing your boundaries before something goes wrong will help alleviate problems all along the way.

When something becomes an obstacle you will be far better prepared to handle it if you have first identified your needs and addressed them and then you can address the needs of those around you. Helping others can give you a great sense of self worth but don't forget to allow others to help you as well.

Change your thinking. This too is easier said than done but with much practice you will begin to be able to re frame your perspective and use obstacles and challenges in your life as a means for growth. Count your blessings and recognize the positive comments and experiences that come your way. Often we give more power to the negatives in our life and brush off the positives because we don't allow ourselves to listen. Use negative feedback as a way to overcome areas of your life you want to improve but don't dwell. If you are satisfied then why let those things nag at us. Start recognizing those warm thoughts that come your way!

Life is not a bowl of peaches but if we strive to see the positives around us and work at creating healthy boundaries then maybe some fruits will come your way! :)