A Smile is Contagious.

Have you ever wondered how it feels to be really happy? A friend of mine, going through a rough time was sharing their feelings with me the other day and said, "I don't know how to be happy. I don't know what I would do if I were actually happy." This message struck me. I too have my struggles as does everyone. Lately I have been experiencing some anxiety myself. Heavens knows why; I only work two jobs, have been travelling all summer, and tend to pile more on my plate than is normal. ;)  I have worked hard to develop some healthy coping strategies like yoga, and writing in my journal. But when a friend says "I don't know what I would do if I were actually happy", it kinda makes you step back and think.

Over the past year and a half I have set some goals for myself and worked hard at reaching them. Goals to be a better listener, to strengthen my faith in God, and to find that true Joy that I know is out there. On any given day I don't go around all cupcakes and butterflies, I mean I have to live in reality too. But for the most part I feel pretty happy. I enjoy life, I love my family, I like getting up for work in the morning, and I am grateful for all the ways God blesses my life. I recognize these things and I revel in the goodness I find there. I still get mad, frustrated, even infuriated sometimes. So how do we learn how to feel happy?

In this day and age it doesn't seem like there are many things to be happy about. The economy is still stuck, jobs are getting harder, raising kids is getting more difficult with media and morality debates every step of the way. For example, I took my daughter to the mall and she wanted to play on the kid's slide. After a few minutes she comes over to me almost in tears and said "mommy, they aren't taking their turns, I can't get my turn." All the other kids were climbing over her. There were kids in there that were really too big to be playing and none of them seemed to notice the little girl they were shoving out of the way. I literally saw a young boy climb over her and step on her hand. How do we teach our children to be good people when there are so many who are not examples of good behavior? So I wonder, with so much bad in the world, it's a wonder anyone can find happiness. More and more people are struggling with depression, anxiety, and other mental disorders. Additionally, health in America is declining with rampant obesity, diabetes, and heart disease. It is clear that people are searching for whatever they can to fill the void of unhappiness.

So as I pondered the statement my friend made, I thought about how I had found happiness. I don't remember when but I do remember someone at some point in my life telling me that you have to choose to be happy. As a little girl I remember my mother and grandmother being silly and enjoying the simple things in life. Growing up in a family with little finances, my mother instilled in me the message that "we may not be rich with money, but we are rich in love." I have carried this with me throughout my whole life. Which is good because as a young person,  money has been a struggle. I also was blessed with a very supportive family. I remember a particularly difficult time in my life and when you are scraping the bottom of the barrel it is easy to feel like giving up. Luckily I had my mom's voice in the back of my mind, always loving me and that truly kept me going. I have always observed those around me and tried to learn from their mistakes. I have always tried to really internalize those motivational messages that I hear, but all of that seems so incomplete when it comes to answering the question about how to find happiness.

I was channel surfing the other day and happened upon Oprah's new station and her Sunday show called Lifeclass. I instantly got sucked into a story on letting go of anger. Forgiveness is a key element in finding happiness I've discovered. She shared a variety of stories of individuals who, through their personal trials, were able to forgive others and let go of their anger. This was a powerful lesson to me. It is absolutely true that hate and anger will consume your life if you let it. I often say offhanded that I don't have the time or energy to hate people and even though I say it lightly it really is true. It takes a great deal of energy to hate a person and swim around in that drama. Free yourself by choosing not to hate others. Oprah furthers her lesson by saying, you can accept that something happened to you but you don't have to let it consume you. Bad things will happen to us, and in some cases those bad things will be the direct result of a choice that another person has made. We can either choose to learn something from the experience or we can allow that hurt and hate to consume us.

I get road rage pretty bad and even in the midst of yelling some obscenity at someone who can't hear me, I am always reminded of the Lord's hand in my life. I can't help but thank God for putting the slow person in front of me because I will never know what unforeseen circumstance I avoided by being a little slower. I am also humbled by this because I am reminded that I have no idea what is going on in that other person's life. Perhaps they are on their way to a job interview and they have been out of work for several months. Perhaps they are on their way to a grandchild's birthday party, or maybe, like me, they have a stubborn child in the back seat driving them nuts. Putting myself in other people's shoes has really helped me find the good in my life.

Faith has been the other big thing in my life lately. I have been working hard to strengthen my faith in God. I have always wanted to learn more about God and I enjoy going to church and learning how to be a better person. Over the past year I have done more personal study and tried to be more Christlike in dealing with others and I can tell you that this has brought me a great amount of Joy. Not only in helping others but also in helping myself. I am very grateful for the way the Lord works in my life and for the lessons He teaches me. Working hard to better myself and increase my faith in God has helped me find more happiness and more peace.

Take time to recognize the goodness in your life. Enjoy the beauty that surrounds you each day. Let go of anger and work toward forgiveness. Have Faith. Love your friends and family and enjoy spending time with  them. Do good for others. Choose to be happy today. Learn from those difficult experiences and cling to the silver lining as if your life depended on it. Hold a baby. Turn off all your electronics and go for a walk or take a relaxing bath.

These are just a few of the things I do to create happiness. I don't think happiness just happens. we have to create it, we have to live it, and we have to share it. Be silly and always remember the kid inside. I like to slide across the floor in my socks or dance in my living room with my daughter. I know if you look deep within yourself you can find some happiness. But above all, never give up. help those around you see the good in life. If you are struggling like my friend, maybe part of it is fake it till you make it. Try something new even if you think it won't work. A smile is contagious and you just might find, that for one small moment you are happy.

On Turning 30

In less than 1 hour I will officially be 30 years old. This is a pivotal moment in every young person's life and everyone reacts to 30 differently. It is an exciting bittersweet experience thus far. But what does it mean to be 30? I used to think I knew. When I was in high school I had this image or rather fantasy of what I thought my life would be like at 30. I imagined I'd be married with a kid or two. I thought I'd have some matching furniture in a nice little house and I thought we'd be in a fairly stable financial situation. You know, after graduating from college and finding careers, I thought paying our bills would be pretty simple and that we'd also have money in savings. Building up a little nest egg or saving for the future of our kids. I thought I'd be...well, settled.

Unfortunately, 30 is quite different. Despite the lack of my very own parking place and a little white fence there are some parts of turning 30 I had never even considered. I had no idea that the economy would tank and that renting an apartment would actually turn out in our favor. It allows us freedom and mobility and when stuff breaks, we don't have to pay to fix it. :) I never imagined I would be so loved by the most beautiful little girl in the whole world. I also never imagined I could be so completely happily married. So many people have trouble with their relationships and in this day and age it's hard not to trip over someone breaking up or getting divorced. Even though I have loved my husband for nearly 12 years, before we were married and even early on, there was always that tiny fear that things may not work out. Now I am just so grateful for him and the life that we have built, every single day. Do we always see eye to eye, no. But we work together to build one another up. He is my biggest supporter and I can't imagine spending my 30th birthday or any birthday with anyone else.

Turning 30 isn't what I thought it would be, instead it is so much more. I am loved and happy and I've been able to do things I never thought I could. I have true friends who I can call on in the middle of the night. I have a loving family. I have a roof over my head, food on my table, and a great cook to make my dinner :) Most of all I have a sense of accomplishment, great self worth and faith in God.

I don't think it gets much better than this. Happy birthday to me!

Crazy but good.

Well, it's been a while since I've posted anything. I'm sure you were all waiting on the edge of your seats pining for me to write some more. :) If you aren't familiar with the seasons of debate then here is the down low: during the summer you contact your students for an initial get to know you, most of the varsity students prep during the summer and we often have a little mini camp for a few days to give our students the extra information they need to get ready for competition. Then school starts the end of August, first part of Sept. Our first tournament is the last weekend in October, then we have approximately 10 two day tournaments from November through the end of February with qualifying tournaments in March and April. Then Nationals in June and then we start over again. So unfortunately people usually don't see me or hear from me from November or December until April. And as can be observed from my blog, that's pretty much what happened this time.

                                             Chillin in my classroom.

So what have I been doing all this time to improve myself? Well after graduating from The College of Massage Therapy and starting my massage business in October I have been excited to watch my clientele grow and my business reach more people. I enjoyed spending the holidays with family and take whatever break I could. After the holidays I set a goal to loose 30 lbs by my 30th birthday and I joined Gold's Gym. In February I was selected as the area's National Forensic League district coach of the year. I was very excited about this accomplishment having only coached for 5 short years. I gained some new and different responsibilities at my church and I attempted to get through a few books I had started.

I've refocused my efforts on spending quality time with my family and while I was on spring break I believe I did just that. Watching my daughter grow and learn is amazing. Anyone who has ever had the pleasure of watching a three year old can probably understand this wonder to behold. I try not to be one of those parents that 'thinks my kid is a genius' but isn't it fascinating to watch them discover the world. One of my favorite things is listening to her develop language. Our ability to communicate truly is what sets us apart as a species and it is what makes us human. It is baffling to watch her learn new words and even more, to listen to her make connections between things.

Now it's May and only a few weeks away from my birthday and not nearly close enough to meet my weight loss goals. However, I have learned some good lessons. With all the stress and craziness with my career in education it has been hard to decide to stay teaching another year or put all my energy and effort into growing my massage therapy business. It is my goal to transition out of education and into massage therapy but it is a scary and risky experience to change careers. Next year is going to come with some big changes and as much as I'd like to throw in the towel now, we just feel it wouldn't be financially prudent.

I have been working hard at working out and eating healthy. I have enjoyed my weight lifting class. Although I haven't met my weight loss goals I feel better about my body, I feel like I've lost body fat and my pants fit better; which I think is the better measure. It is NOT easy to loose weight. However, I have had some great experiences through my workouts and even recently had an almost spiritual moment during a spinning class. All in all I'm glad I joined the gym and I feel better every day that I go.


Transitions and change are good. They allow us to see our world from a different perspective. In one week I will turn 30. Isn't it funny how we have a picture in our mind of how our life will be when we are 30. I remember in high school, thinking that by this point, I would have graduated with my Master's degree, own a home and be able to pay all my bills and still have money left over for food and gas. Boy was I naive! I guess some lessons you can only learn the hard way. I do find it frustrating when I see barely twenty something's going around as if they've got it all figured out. They have a great house with matching furniture, a kid or two, a decent job, and they seem to be doing pretty well. But I suppose everyone is dealt a different hand of cards so we have to go with what we've got.

Someday I will have that house and some matching furniture to go with it. But most of all I just want happiness and joy....Oh and a parking spot that is all my own!

Little by little.

I hate change. But c'est la vie; sometimes life throws you interesting challenges and you have to suck it up. Teaching has been my passion for the past five years and a dream since I was in the second grade. Unfortunately dreams aren't always as idealistic as when you are seven. Education, as many of you know, has taken an interesting direction as of late. Not one that I am totally opposed to but there are certainly many things that I wish were different. The biggest problem for me is this attitudinal barrier that teachers are little more than babysitters with no worthwhile skills nor contributions to society.
This, along with a great deal of student apathy, has led me to consider some changes of my own. As a recent graduate from The College of Massage Therapy I have a whole new set of tools I can use to help people. With this in mind, as well as my unbelievable organizational abilities and efficiency, have made me wonder if my path should go a different way for a while.
What is it that people often say? There aren't any regrets only what ifs? I'm not sure if that is the exact quote or not but it's an interesting thought.

What if I stayed in teaching and what if I started doing massage full time?
If I stay in teaching there is little to no financial growth in my current position as an educator. The state and school district continues to reduce benefits and kids are increasingly apathetic toward their education. On a personal and professional level I feel there are still many ways I can grow and learn but is that outweighed by the need to be recognized for excelling in my current skills or the need to adequately provide for my family.

A lot of people stay in education because they LOVE teaching. I love teaching too. I hate to sound greedy, but I went to college and got a degree so I could pursue a job that would allow me to grow both professionally and financially. I never expected to be "Rich" as a teacher, but I thought it wasn't far reaching to expect to be able to buy a house and pay my bills.

After college I thought the days of living paycheck to paycheck were over. I always laugh when people talk to me about buying a house, as if we actually have money in our savings account.

I've recently been conducting a little study of my own to ask my colleagues why they teach or why they stay. The majority of them have spouses who work full time and make $60-$100K a year. So my colleagues can "afford" to teach.

This saddens me. So I contemplate daily, what life changes I can make to achieve financial security.


So on a positive note, change can be motivating.  And blessings can be answered.

Regardless of what I decide to do, my massage therapy business has been thriving. I am constantly getting new clients and helping others that want to be helped. This can really fill up your "bucket". :)

Other changes can help you get your life back into perspective. The past few years have been a crazy whirlwind of insanity. I've been going at 150 miles per hour every day for as long as I can remember. I've missed out on a lot with my family and it has really come to the forefront more recently. So I made a few changes in my schedule. Started saying no more often and continue to trim down all that I do and I realized very quickly how important that family time really is. The next few months appear pretty busy, so in order to  maintain my family time I need to make sure I keep that in perspective.

Taking time for myself has been a work in progress but one that has shown me how important it really is. Creating a balanced life is a truly healthy and invigorating experience. I have found that when I take time for myself, I have more energy and patience to focus on my other duties, so I do them better and more fully.

This past year  has been an interesting journey, one with some fascinating lessons and many wonderful experiences. So looking back I hope that I can make the best choice that will lead me to optimum outcome. But isn't that what we are always hoping for?

Sick and Tired....

Being sick fails, but being sick when you are a super workaholic, perfectionist, always have thirty things going on simultaneously, is even worse. But let me back up.

On October 4th I graduated from the Massage Therapy program from The College of Massage Therapy at Bingham Memorial Hospital. It was a year long program that, not only taught me a lot about massage therapy, but also a lot about business and working with others. The end of a program is always bittersweet. Of course it is exciting to be finished but it's a little sad to say goodbye to the people you've just spent the last year with. It also brings a sort of senioritis that caused us to act a little immature from time to time. Regardless, I made it, and surprisingly one of my final classes really spoke to me. My last few weeks of class really diversified my education and made me realize that people can be healed using many kinds of therapy. This was a very important lesson to learn and I think it was a great lesson to have right before opening my own practice.

Upon completion of my program I started my own massage therapy practice. This has been an exciting and scary endeavor. I truly want to help people while also maintaining my family time and grow as a professional. Massage therapy has given me so many new tools to use to develop my potential. In order to celebrate this new path I recently hosted a grand opening. Who knew I was so determined?

I woke up very early on Saturday to terrible nausea. Dinner is never good when it comes back out. Thankfully, with some help, I was able to make it to my office. Certain it was just a small case of food poisoning, I was determined to push through to make a good impression on all my potential clients. We had a great time and I really enjoyed spending time with those who attended. A huge thanks to all those that came out to support me. I am looking forward to great success in the massage therapy business.

Now that I'm finished with my schooling I thought things would get less stressful. Unfortunately I'm not sure I know how to live without stress. My debate team is doing very well this year as we prepare for the first tournament. My captains are working hard and I am proud of the progress they have made thus far. As always though, I have a lot on my plate. Between planning a debate leadership retreat, assisting in running a conference, planning a Spa day for my clients and trying to manage my finances and spend time with my family, those little things just add up to one gigantic pile of stress. Top that off with a little worry about my students struggling at home, in life and at school makes for long nights when my mind just doesn't shut off. Toss in a few family issues or a sick friend. Then stir in a bit of bad salad...this is a dangerous recipe. One not without side effects.

I've never struggled with my sleep habits and lately I have been experiencing a bout of insomnia. I try to go to bed at the same time but my mind just won't shut off. Then I wake at unbelievable hours and can't go back to sleep. This has also affected my eating habits. I've never been one to skip a meal and now I find I have no appetite and the things I do eat just aren't appealing to me. Perhaps the one up-side is that I might loose a few pounds but that's unlikely. I don't think it is ever a good thing when your sleep pattern is disrupted and this is highly unusual for me. 

I've never been one to take a lot of medications so the search for insomnia treatments is a bit bumpy. I took a hot bath the other night, tried some light reading, listened to relaxing music, then a book on my ipod last night, but I am still struggling. Last night I decided to take some magnesium which my chiropractor tells me is a natural muscle relaxer and some melatonin that is supposed to induce sleep. I'm not sure if it helped much, I had very weird dreams and it felt more like that crappy sleep when you aren't awake enough to really be coherent but you aren't asleep enough to be relaxed and getting rest. I anticipated that at some point I would hit a wall and feel extremely tired but so far that hasn't happened.

As a result of not sleeping well, I now have a pretty awesome headache. This comes along with a pinched nerve in my neck and a future appointment at the chiropractor. 

So these are some of the things I'm doing in spite of the insomnia and in order to create a more balanced life.  I'm constantly trying to maintain my goal of positivity this year. Toward my work, toward my students, but especially toward education. I'm trying to say 'no' more, so that I can increase the quality of my work not just the quantity. I'm trying to be more patient with my family and say more positive and loving things to them. And I'm trying to take a little time for myself. 

I care about my students, I want to be the best I can be at all the things I do, and I want to help others. Additionally, I want to provide for my family and create an environment that ensures our financial stability. I want to have fun and grow as an individual and professional. I don't want to hit a dead end in my career, health or otherwise. I hope that over the next few weeks I can get a grip of all the things on my plate and overcome this little bump. 

Inspiration and Dedication.

It's funny how unmotivated you can become over something you love so much. The past 4 years have been a curious study of that evolution. 4 years ago I began my journey as a teacher. Well it actually started much earlier than that. When I was in the second grade I loved my teacher so much that I wanted to become a teacher when I grew up. Mrs. Eggbert was so nice and always had fun things for us to do. After that I had many other great teachers who influenced my desire to become a teacher. Then when I made it to college and had to decide what I wanted to do it felt natural to follow that path. I graduated and immediately was offered my dream job to teach speech and debate. I knew it would be hard, my student teaching wasn't a bowl of peaches, but I made it. My first year was survival and each year following had different challenges. I had some ups and downs but last year was particularly challenging. With the cutbacks and the overall devaluing of teachers I just wasn't sure I wanted to do it again. But being a dedicated person I made the commitment to teach another year.

Upon arriving at our annual district faculty meetings I was pleasantly surprised to feel something different. after a few days of meetings I had regained that lost inspiration. I don't know if it was watching a clip from The Freedom Writers, or standing in a circle with my colleagues to thank one another for being so great to work with and showing our gratitude for one another but I left feeling renewed and excited about the school year. Although I was still a little nervous about what the first day of school would bring I made a promise to myself to be more positive this year than last year. To say more positive things  and not complain so much.

Walking into my classroom on Monday morning and meeting each new student as they came in was great. Each class has a unique dynamic and they seemed really engaged in my opening activities. Day one ended great and I was so excited to get to know all my kids. Day two went fairly well with only a few minor bumps but lead me to make some changes to my day three lesson. Today I made it through day three and it was a success!

All in all this week has been great. I have been re-inspired and I am as dedicated as ever to make the most out of this year. I want my curriculum to be engaging, exciting and most of all I want my kids to learn a-lot. I want them to have a-ha moments and become productive members of society. I want to be able to ask hard questions and get some good answers. I don't know if I will stay in education forever, but I'm here now and I'm going to make the most of it!

Up One Hill, Down Another

So this is the end of week three of the jogging and healthy eating program. I was pretty bummed when I looked at the scale this morning and it still read 140 (yes that's my actual weight). I guess I shouldn't be too ashamed of that number but I had hoped to see some improvements. The scale went down to about 137 the other day but those three pounds came back from wherever they were hiding. On the other hand, I'm still sticking with it so I guess that's something, and I do have more energy. I have very nearly stopped drinking soda altogether and even picked up some V8 fusion. I'm not sure how entirely healthy it is but it makes me feel good about myself. Another happy bonus is that those I care about most have noticed positive changes, so even though the scale doesn't show it yet something must be happening. The other day I even jogged my entire little route without stopping. This was pretty tough but I just kept pushing, hopefully it will pay off in the end.

Life is kind of funny though, just as things start looking like they are going well something unexpected happens. Like I sprained my ankle loading up my car so I took a little break from jogging and I've noticed a big difference in my energy. It really showed me how much those 15 or so minutes affect my whole day. I'm going again tomorrow regardless of how my ankle feels. Even if I just get out and walk I think that will be good. I drank too much caffeine today and that made me feel like crap. Man once you start putting healthy stuff into your body, it really doesn't like it when you down a 20 oz latte in the morning and a Dr. Pepper for lunch. Although it was pretty delicious.

Spending time with Rachel really has been the best part of this summer! Kids really make you stop and appreciate the little things that so often we take for granted. She gets so excited about things that I rarely think about. She gets excited to get up in the morning, to eat pretty much anything, to watch her favorite show, to sit on my lap, to take a bath, to get her PJ's on, to listen to a story, to say her prayers, etc. Where has that childlike passion for life gone? Am I really so cynical that I can't see all the miracles around me?

Sometimes I get so tired and that's when she usually does something really silly. We go through the routine of life but how often do we truly marvel? I know I sure don't. I was frustrated just the other morning with her because she didn't really want to get ready. Or rather she was getting distracted by a bunch of other things. So of course I lost my temper. But looking back I think, "you know what, it wouldn't have been the end of the world if we had been late." I should have just sat down and built that block tower. So I've been thinking about what I could do to recapture some of that amazement.

This past Saturday we drove up to a meadow next to Palisades for a friend's retirement party and the scenery was so beautiful that it really inspired me. It also motivated me to go camping. Not that it takes much to motivate me, I love camping! But I haven't been in so long I don't even know if we have all the stuff. Regardless I think it would be just wonderful to take Rachel and just enjoy spending time with her. She loves it outside and usually cries when it is time to come in. I feel so lucky to have a little automatic reminder of life's beauty and joy I just wish I could remember that all the time. Like in the middle of January 3 weeks into the heart of debate season, or the Monday after Nat quals, or the week before spring break.

One person in my life, that never seemed to take anything for granted though, was my grams. She lived life to its fullest and was always happy and excited about every little thing. My grandma always loved music and she always had it playing. She had a radio in every room in the house and no matter what, if a song came on she liked, she would crank it up and dance around. That's probably one of my most favorite memories of her. It didn't matter if she just got done giving somebody "what for". Or if people had just finished a really serious conversation. She didn't care, she just turned up the music and started singing and dancing. And whoever was standing nearby, she usually danced with. That's how I want to be :) She'd say it was because "I'm from Missour-ah, don't cha know" She never said Missouri, always with an 'ah' sound at the end. Oh how I miss that wonderful woman but you can only imagine how much and many people's lives she blessed while she was here. If you were one of the lucky few to know her you know that kind of goodness just can't be contained. I've often said that someday I want to be just like her. Well that's going to start today. Maybe then I can keep those small wonders in focus.

Here's to you Grams.