Often when I am being cynical I profess to others that life isn't a bowl of cupcakes or peaches. Life is tough. How do we find quality time and quality happiness amidst the chaos of life?
A life can change in a matter of seconds. The person you love most could be gone quicker than the blink of an eye.
One day can be amazing and the next can be turmoil. Over the past several weeks I have experienced some of these sensations and I have to say I've learned some great lessons.
First, I am grateful that I can experience emotion and though it sucks when times are tough it is awesome when things are going well. The visceral reaction it takes to be passionate about something or cry in despair enables us to reflect on that which is most important in our lives. Our natural reaction is to find more of the good stuff and eliminate the bad. But I'm a hypocrite as this is easier said than done.
Finding joy is partly about finding balance and in order to have balance you must have boundaries.
Having healthy limits for yourself and a respect for the boundaries of others is a great way to create a little balance.
Consider your values, what is most important to you? Why? How do you know? What does that look like?
How do you show love and respect for yourself?
How do others show love and respect for you?
Often we see love an respect as acknowledging and respecting our boundaries.
Next, understand your limits. If you are anything like me then you probably take on WAY more than you can often handle. This can lead to you doing things for others to the detriment of yourself.
Doing things for others can give us a great sense of satisfaction and make us feel great, but if these actions mean that you can't accomplish your own responsibilities or causes you to take your family or friends for granted then that isn't balance and that isn't joyful.
Maybe you do things when you are physically ill or exhausted, and again if you are anything like me then you probably don't take much time for yourself or take a break.
Recently I was reminded the hard way that I need to take a break. I had a respiratory infection that left me with a chronic cough going on 3 weeks. I had to take time off work and the cough has lead to other issues like headaches and back ache which make it difficult to complete all the tasks I need to.
Don't let your pride get in the way of your physical, emotional or psychological needs.
A wise person once said "you have to love yourself before you can love anyone else and before they can love you." on the same token you have to take care of yourself before you can take care of others.
Having healthy boundaries can help you avoid being overwhelmed.
Effective communication is key. Use positive affirmation to improve your self perception and then communicate your boundaries to those around you so that everyone is working on the same page.
When turmoil turns your life upside down, that is NOT the time to figure out what your boundaries are. Identifying and expressing your boundaries before something goes wrong will help alleviate problems all along the way.
When something becomes an obstacle you will be far better prepared to handle it if you have first identified your needs and addressed them and then you can address the needs of those around you. Helping others can give you a great sense of self worth but don't forget to allow others to help you as well.
Change your thinking. This too is easier said than done but with much practice you will begin to be able to re frame your perspective and use obstacles and challenges in your life as a means for growth. Count your blessings and recognize the positive comments and experiences that come your way. Often we give more power to the negatives in our life and brush off the positives because we don't allow ourselves to listen. Use negative feedback as a way to overcome areas of your life you want to improve but don't dwell. If you are satisfied then why let those things nag at us. Start recognizing those warm thoughts that come your way!
Life is not a bowl of peaches but if we strive to see the positives around us and work at creating healthy boundaries then maybe some fruits will come your way! :)
