Inspiration and Dedication.

It's funny how unmotivated you can become over something you love so much. The past 4 years have been a curious study of that evolution. 4 years ago I began my journey as a teacher. Well it actually started much earlier than that. When I was in the second grade I loved my teacher so much that I wanted to become a teacher when I grew up. Mrs. Eggbert was so nice and always had fun things for us to do. After that I had many other great teachers who influenced my desire to become a teacher. Then when I made it to college and had to decide what I wanted to do it felt natural to follow that path. I graduated and immediately was offered my dream job to teach speech and debate. I knew it would be hard, my student teaching wasn't a bowl of peaches, but I made it. My first year was survival and each year following had different challenges. I had some ups and downs but last year was particularly challenging. With the cutbacks and the overall devaluing of teachers I just wasn't sure I wanted to do it again. But being a dedicated person I made the commitment to teach another year.

Upon arriving at our annual district faculty meetings I was pleasantly surprised to feel something different. after a few days of meetings I had regained that lost inspiration. I don't know if it was watching a clip from The Freedom Writers, or standing in a circle with my colleagues to thank one another for being so great to work with and showing our gratitude for one another but I left feeling renewed and excited about the school year. Although I was still a little nervous about what the first day of school would bring I made a promise to myself to be more positive this year than last year. To say more positive things  and not complain so much.

Walking into my classroom on Monday morning and meeting each new student as they came in was great. Each class has a unique dynamic and they seemed really engaged in my opening activities. Day one ended great and I was so excited to get to know all my kids. Day two went fairly well with only a few minor bumps but lead me to make some changes to my day three lesson. Today I made it through day three and it was a success!

All in all this week has been great. I have been re-inspired and I am as dedicated as ever to make the most out of this year. I want my curriculum to be engaging, exciting and most of all I want my kids to learn a-lot. I want them to have a-ha moments and become productive members of society. I want to be able to ask hard questions and get some good answers. I don't know if I will stay in education forever, but I'm here now and I'm going to make the most of it!

Up One Hill, Down Another

So this is the end of week three of the jogging and healthy eating program. I was pretty bummed when I looked at the scale this morning and it still read 140 (yes that's my actual weight). I guess I shouldn't be too ashamed of that number but I had hoped to see some improvements. The scale went down to about 137 the other day but those three pounds came back from wherever they were hiding. On the other hand, I'm still sticking with it so I guess that's something, and I do have more energy. I have very nearly stopped drinking soda altogether and even picked up some V8 fusion. I'm not sure how entirely healthy it is but it makes me feel good about myself. Another happy bonus is that those I care about most have noticed positive changes, so even though the scale doesn't show it yet something must be happening. The other day I even jogged my entire little route without stopping. This was pretty tough but I just kept pushing, hopefully it will pay off in the end.

Life is kind of funny though, just as things start looking like they are going well something unexpected happens. Like I sprained my ankle loading up my car so I took a little break from jogging and I've noticed a big difference in my energy. It really showed me how much those 15 or so minutes affect my whole day. I'm going again tomorrow regardless of how my ankle feels. Even if I just get out and walk I think that will be good. I drank too much caffeine today and that made me feel like crap. Man once you start putting healthy stuff into your body, it really doesn't like it when you down a 20 oz latte in the morning and a Dr. Pepper for lunch. Although it was pretty delicious.

Spending time with Rachel really has been the best part of this summer! Kids really make you stop and appreciate the little things that so often we take for granted. She gets so excited about things that I rarely think about. She gets excited to get up in the morning, to eat pretty much anything, to watch her favorite show, to sit on my lap, to take a bath, to get her PJ's on, to listen to a story, to say her prayers, etc. Where has that childlike passion for life gone? Am I really so cynical that I can't see all the miracles around me?

Sometimes I get so tired and that's when she usually does something really silly. We go through the routine of life but how often do we truly marvel? I know I sure don't. I was frustrated just the other morning with her because she didn't really want to get ready. Or rather she was getting distracted by a bunch of other things. So of course I lost my temper. But looking back I think, "you know what, it wouldn't have been the end of the world if we had been late." I should have just sat down and built that block tower. So I've been thinking about what I could do to recapture some of that amazement.

This past Saturday we drove up to a meadow next to Palisades for a friend's retirement party and the scenery was so beautiful that it really inspired me. It also motivated me to go camping. Not that it takes much to motivate me, I love camping! But I haven't been in so long I don't even know if we have all the stuff. Regardless I think it would be just wonderful to take Rachel and just enjoy spending time with her. She loves it outside and usually cries when it is time to come in. I feel so lucky to have a little automatic reminder of life's beauty and joy I just wish I could remember that all the time. Like in the middle of January 3 weeks into the heart of debate season, or the Monday after Nat quals, or the week before spring break.

One person in my life, that never seemed to take anything for granted though, was my grams. She lived life to its fullest and was always happy and excited about every little thing. My grandma always loved music and she always had it playing. She had a radio in every room in the house and no matter what, if a song came on she liked, she would crank it up and dance around. That's probably one of my most favorite memories of her. It didn't matter if she just got done giving somebody "what for". Or if people had just finished a really serious conversation. She didn't care, she just turned up the music and started singing and dancing. And whoever was standing nearby, she usually danced with. That's how I want to be :) She'd say it was because "I'm from Missour-ah, don't cha know" She never said Missouri, always with an 'ah' sound at the end. Oh how I miss that wonderful woman but you can only imagine how much and many people's lives she blessed while she was here. If you were one of the lucky few to know her you know that kind of goodness just can't be contained. I've often said that someday I want to be just like her. Well that's going to start today. Maybe then I can keep those small wonders in focus.

Here's to you Grams.