Sunday, May 4, 2014
Finding Joy: What does it take?
Finding Joy: What does it take?: I've been thinking a lot about relationships lately. Especially the ultimate relationship- marriage. Love, marriage, and commitment a...
What does it take?
I've been thinking a lot about relationships lately. Especially the ultimate relationship- marriage.
Love, marriage, and commitment are concepts that scare, confuse, excite and motivate people. Time after time I see so many people struggle with marriage. As newlyweds you jump in, head first in the glory of one another, but after a time the newness wears off and you start to get real.
Many people are in love with the idea of being in love and the fantasy of love that is portrayed in our media and society, but when you really get to the heart of it, you realize that maybe it takes something more that a dozen roses to make a relationship last.
In my ten short years of marriage, many people have wagered that perhaps my husband and I wouldn't "make it." There are days when I might consider weighing in on that bet. However, in this short time I have learned a couple key things about what it takes to be in a relationship with someone for an extended period of time.
The first thing I have learned is the importance of Honesty. Often times, brutal honesty is necessary to get closer together. Through compromise and refining, each person has to be honest and accept honesty in order to better themselves and grow. My husband an I live very honestly with one another. When he compliments me I know it isn't just fluff and when he criticizes me, I know he is trying to help me improve. If we didn't accept each other's honesty our relationship would fall apart. People on the outside remark that we are too honest with each other or that we are not being kind, but what they don't understand is that what we want more than anything is to give ourselves completely to one another through that honesty. This means we don't hide things or keep things from each other, no matter how small it seems.
The second thing I've learned is that love, and specifically marriage, has to be a Choice every day. In order to work through the good and bad you have to choose each other every day. That means you choose to be there, you choose to put forth effort and you choose to be with them even if they are having a hard time. When one person stops choosing to be there, then that is when things go awry.
Relationships are complex and they take two people in order to make them work. These may seem like simple truths, and in many ways they are, but they become much more once you internalize them. Through honesty you can eliminate jealousy. Through choosing your partner each day you can work through any bumps. Trust and honesty can also lead to excellent communication, which is an integral part to an effective relationship. Through honesty and choice you can eliminate gender stereotypes and instead of wanting chivalry you can simply have humanism.
People often give my husband a hard time for not opening the door for me or for joking around and giving me a bad time, but when I do the same to him, no one bats an eye. Hence the double standard. He often comment "When she is willing to admit she is lesser than me, then I will start opening the door for her."
This is generally followed by gasps of horror and then a laugh from the two of us.
He knows that I am strong and would never admit to such a thing because it isn't true.
We do not have double standards in our marriage. I am a strong woman who doesn't need someone to open the door. So instead we act out of mutual respect. If I get to a door first, I open it. If he gets their first, he opens it. He puts the toilet seat up when he needs it and I put it down. We work together not against one another.
Our love is deep and real. We recognize that life is hard and that there may come a time when we just don't work well together. If that time comes, then we love each other enough to want the utmost happiness for the other. But for now our love continues. Don't get me wrong, we still irritate each other and get on one another's nerves from time to time. We both have strong stubborn personalities. We also make mistakes and have to apologize. We have slightly different ideas on how to discipline our daughter or complete a give task. But none of these things undermines the importance of honesty and choice in our relationship.
Marriage and love is not a 'bowl of cupcakes and butterflies' as many people think. It takes work. It is beautiful and complex and confusing at times; more like a Jackson Pollock painting. Some people get it and others don't. Some people think its easy to just splatter paint on a canvas while others know there is something deeper, something emotional about it. It's messy.
So the next time you are wondering 'what does it take?" My answer is... you. It takes you putting forth effort, you being honest with yourself and your partner, and you choosing your significant other every day. I don't pretend to be the love expert or guarantee that all relationships will 'work out' due to these things. But I can say one thing, I am very blessed to have the kind of marriage I have and I wouldn't want it any other way.
Love, marriage, and commitment are concepts that scare, confuse, excite and motivate people. Time after time I see so many people struggle with marriage. As newlyweds you jump in, head first in the glory of one another, but after a time the newness wears off and you start to get real.
Many people are in love with the idea of being in love and the fantasy of love that is portrayed in our media and society, but when you really get to the heart of it, you realize that maybe it takes something more that a dozen roses to make a relationship last.
In my ten short years of marriage, many people have wagered that perhaps my husband and I wouldn't "make it." There are days when I might consider weighing in on that bet. However, in this short time I have learned a couple key things about what it takes to be in a relationship with someone for an extended period of time.
The first thing I have learned is the importance of Honesty. Often times, brutal honesty is necessary to get closer together. Through compromise and refining, each person has to be honest and accept honesty in order to better themselves and grow. My husband an I live very honestly with one another. When he compliments me I know it isn't just fluff and when he criticizes me, I know he is trying to help me improve. If we didn't accept each other's honesty our relationship would fall apart. People on the outside remark that we are too honest with each other or that we are not being kind, but what they don't understand is that what we want more than anything is to give ourselves completely to one another through that honesty. This means we don't hide things or keep things from each other, no matter how small it seems.
The second thing I've learned is that love, and specifically marriage, has to be a Choice every day. In order to work through the good and bad you have to choose each other every day. That means you choose to be there, you choose to put forth effort and you choose to be with them even if they are having a hard time. When one person stops choosing to be there, then that is when things go awry.
Relationships are complex and they take two people in order to make them work. These may seem like simple truths, and in many ways they are, but they become much more once you internalize them. Through honesty you can eliminate jealousy. Through choosing your partner each day you can work through any bumps. Trust and honesty can also lead to excellent communication, which is an integral part to an effective relationship. Through honesty and choice you can eliminate gender stereotypes and instead of wanting chivalry you can simply have humanism.
People often give my husband a hard time for not opening the door for me or for joking around and giving me a bad time, but when I do the same to him, no one bats an eye. Hence the double standard. He often comment "When she is willing to admit she is lesser than me, then I will start opening the door for her."
This is generally followed by gasps of horror and then a laugh from the two of us.
He knows that I am strong and would never admit to such a thing because it isn't true.
We do not have double standards in our marriage. I am a strong woman who doesn't need someone to open the door. So instead we act out of mutual respect. If I get to a door first, I open it. If he gets their first, he opens it. He puts the toilet seat up when he needs it and I put it down. We work together not against one another.
Our love is deep and real. We recognize that life is hard and that there may come a time when we just don't work well together. If that time comes, then we love each other enough to want the utmost happiness for the other. But for now our love continues. Don't get me wrong, we still irritate each other and get on one another's nerves from time to time. We both have strong stubborn personalities. We also make mistakes and have to apologize. We have slightly different ideas on how to discipline our daughter or complete a give task. But none of these things undermines the importance of honesty and choice in our relationship.
Marriage and love is not a 'bowl of cupcakes and butterflies' as many people think. It takes work. It is beautiful and complex and confusing at times; more like a Jackson Pollock painting. Some people get it and others don't. Some people think its easy to just splatter paint on a canvas while others know there is something deeper, something emotional about it. It's messy.
So the next time you are wondering 'what does it take?" My answer is... you. It takes you putting forth effort, you being honest with yourself and your partner, and you choosing your significant other every day. I don't pretend to be the love expert or guarantee that all relationships will 'work out' due to these things. But I can say one thing, I am very blessed to have the kind of marriage I have and I wouldn't want it any other way.
Thursday, May 1, 2014
New and improved
As you know, it has been a while since I last blogged. So much has happened in the past year but I was feeling like perhaps my blog had become stale and unnecessary. Or that perhaps I needed to add a bit more humor. Whatever the reason I feel like I've been missing my blog. So I thought I'd take a moment and discuss my recent achievement.
In order to do it justice I have to give you some background. Last year I had gotten to the point where I wasn't happy with my physical health and appearance. After the birth of my sweet daughter in 2008, it was very difficult to get back into my previous shape. Those who tout that "this fad" or "that method" will help you lose your baby weight simply were wrong in my case. I tried all the typical things, nursing, working out; as well as extreme diets such as Isagenix (which is really just code for starve yourself) Hey but I lost 12 pounds in a week Hooray! and then gained it back quickly...
Sadly none of those things stuck and I became discouraged and had decided to just "settle". Yet, I am not the type to just settle. As the summer loomed ahead and I was preparing to start the new school year, one shopping experience kicked me into gear. I had gone to the mall for new business attire and, as most of my shopping experiences went, this one went badly. Nothing fit right and I resorted to trying on some plus sized attire and one such skirt fit! I was shocked. Now there is nothing wrong with plus size, but all my life I perceived myself to be a medium sized person. I couldn't bring myself to purchase the larger size and I finally felt defeated. I knew I had to take drastic measures in order to return to my ideal health.
I was experiencing all those things you hear about when people discuss unhealthy lifestyles. Playing with Rachel had become more difficult and I would be winded after only a short time. Eating certain foods often made me feel overstuffed or in other words, just plain yucky. I had no energy and constantly felt "weighed" down. I knew that my nutritional choices were the biggest factor, but I didn't know what to do about it.
I resolved to find a way. I started with the book "Fast Metabolism Diet" by Hailey Pomroy. It was a challenge at first but then some weight started coming off. once I finished I gained a few pounds back and that was a bit discouraging but I was happy that I had made a bit of progress. Then I found Medifast. Two of my friends had lost close to 50 pounds each and I wanted to know how they did it. They both directed me toward this program. I was skeptical at first, thinking it wouldn't work for me. But after some research and planning I decided to give it a try.
Medifast literally changed my life! If you have ever lost a significant amount of weight you understand how truly life changing it can be. Not only did I lose weight but I also re-learned how to eat. I learned portion control and how to make healthy choices without breaking the bank. I learned how to have a healthy relationship with food. Medifast was easy, convenient, and I never felt like I was starving and did I mention easy!
Once I met my goal I then decided on how I wanted to maintain. After enjoying a lovely slice of cheesecake I considered my options. Yes I got to eat some cheesecake, and lots of other things when I finished my diet. I just ate them a bit differently. Like instead of downing the entire bag of Doritos I would eat only a small bowl of Doritos.
So my options included joining a gym, doing nothing, or finding another suitable exercise. I didn't really have the money or time to go to the gym and didn't want to just do nothing, so i started looking at other exercise options. I started with daily crunches and sit ups but that didn't seem to do it for me. After a while one of the track coaches suggested I start doing couch to 5K.
Running?!?! I said. Are you kidding me? I am not, nor have I ever been a fan of running. Running is the devil and hat's just not really my thing. But after some stewing time I decided to give it a try. I thought "Hey, I can run for 1 minute."
My first 'run' was actually quite pleasant and gave me the motivation to try it a second time and a third time. At the end of that week however, my body was very sore. I wondered, if this was going to be the case during the whole process because if so, I needed out now!
After some reassurance I could tell that my body was becoming used to this foreign activity and I pressed on. Each week I was surprised at how far I was able to go. Finally the day came when I had to run 30 minutes with no break. This was daunting. I gave it my all and when I hit the 30 minute mark I almost cried tears of joy. I had done it! I had become a 'runner'. You know one of those crazy people who feels bad if they don't get their run in. Or one who enjoys running when its only 20 degrees outside.
Running three times a week has become a norm for me and yes I feel like something is out of whack if I miss one of my runs. This past Saturday I ran in the community mile at the Tiger-Grizz track meet. Through the rain I ran my heart out and beat my time! It was exhilarating. I am looking forward to the 2014 Color run 5K the end of May.
With this as well as many other wonderful changes, life has been good, full of joy so to speak and I am looking forward to all that this year hold.
In order to do it justice I have to give you some background. Last year I had gotten to the point where I wasn't happy with my physical health and appearance. After the birth of my sweet daughter in 2008, it was very difficult to get back into my previous shape. Those who tout that "this fad" or "that method" will help you lose your baby weight simply were wrong in my case. I tried all the typical things, nursing, working out; as well as extreme diets such as Isagenix (which is really just code for starve yourself) Hey but I lost 12 pounds in a week Hooray! and then gained it back quickly...
Sadly none of those things stuck and I became discouraged and had decided to just "settle". Yet, I am not the type to just settle. As the summer loomed ahead and I was preparing to start the new school year, one shopping experience kicked me into gear. I had gone to the mall for new business attire and, as most of my shopping experiences went, this one went badly. Nothing fit right and I resorted to trying on some plus sized attire and one such skirt fit! I was shocked. Now there is nothing wrong with plus size, but all my life I perceived myself to be a medium sized person. I couldn't bring myself to purchase the larger size and I finally felt defeated. I knew I had to take drastic measures in order to return to my ideal health.
I was experiencing all those things you hear about when people discuss unhealthy lifestyles. Playing with Rachel had become more difficult and I would be winded after only a short time. Eating certain foods often made me feel overstuffed or in other words, just plain yucky. I had no energy and constantly felt "weighed" down. I knew that my nutritional choices were the biggest factor, but I didn't know what to do about it.
I resolved to find a way. I started with the book "Fast Metabolism Diet" by Hailey Pomroy. It was a challenge at first but then some weight started coming off. once I finished I gained a few pounds back and that was a bit discouraging but I was happy that I had made a bit of progress. Then I found Medifast. Two of my friends had lost close to 50 pounds each and I wanted to know how they did it. They both directed me toward this program. I was skeptical at first, thinking it wouldn't work for me. But after some research and planning I decided to give it a try.
Medifast literally changed my life! If you have ever lost a significant amount of weight you understand how truly life changing it can be. Not only did I lose weight but I also re-learned how to eat. I learned portion control and how to make healthy choices without breaking the bank. I learned how to have a healthy relationship with food. Medifast was easy, convenient, and I never felt like I was starving and did I mention easy!
Once I met my goal I then decided on how I wanted to maintain. After enjoying a lovely slice of cheesecake I considered my options. Yes I got to eat some cheesecake, and lots of other things when I finished my diet. I just ate them a bit differently. Like instead of downing the entire bag of Doritos I would eat only a small bowl of Doritos.
So my options included joining a gym, doing nothing, or finding another suitable exercise. I didn't really have the money or time to go to the gym and didn't want to just do nothing, so i started looking at other exercise options. I started with daily crunches and sit ups but that didn't seem to do it for me. After a while one of the track coaches suggested I start doing couch to 5K.
Running?!?! I said. Are you kidding me? I am not, nor have I ever been a fan of running. Running is the devil and hat's just not really my thing. But after some stewing time I decided to give it a try. I thought "Hey, I can run for 1 minute."
My first 'run' was actually quite pleasant and gave me the motivation to try it a second time and a third time. At the end of that week however, my body was very sore. I wondered, if this was going to be the case during the whole process because if so, I needed out now!
After some reassurance I could tell that my body was becoming used to this foreign activity and I pressed on. Each week I was surprised at how far I was able to go. Finally the day came when I had to run 30 minutes with no break. This was daunting. I gave it my all and when I hit the 30 minute mark I almost cried tears of joy. I had done it! I had become a 'runner'. You know one of those crazy people who feels bad if they don't get their run in. Or one who enjoys running when its only 20 degrees outside.
Running three times a week has become a norm for me and yes I feel like something is out of whack if I miss one of my runs. This past Saturday I ran in the community mile at the Tiger-Grizz track meet. Through the rain I ran my heart out and beat my time! It was exhilarating. I am looking forward to the 2014 Color run 5K the end of May.
With this as well as many other wonderful changes, life has been good, full of joy so to speak and I am looking forward to all that this year hold.
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